I'm 2 years out of college, talented, smart, and aspiring to work as a creative in an ad agency, a small and incestuous industry where 'everybody knows everybody.' The other day, I let my emotions get the best of me, and I feel like I may have ruined my entire life. ~8 months ago, I met a girl in my apartment complex who I started having an intimate relationship with, we started hooking up. She was amazingly good looking, and by sheer coincidence, happened to work at an ad agency, a large, well known one too, as a graphic designer. I would dream to work at an agency like this, I had been trying to break in for the past two years, and I developed feelings for her. She didn't feel the same, and pushed me away on friendly terms. I had been recovering since. Since then, i have made changes to improve myself as the 'breakup' had been stressing me out on top of my own struggles with career choices, alcohol and drug abuse, and general mental/emotional/financial well-being. I was getting my life back together.

It had been weeks between us exchanging short texts, as now our relationship dissolved to only neutral-texting terms. Weeks ago, she asked for a favor and I lent her $20, during a time in which I still thought I had a chance at a relationship after she broke off our romantic involvement. As time went on to improve myself, I decided to let her go, and the other day, I felt the need to get back my $20 (which she had offer to pay back, twice, I turned it down and said it was out of generosity, trying to appear a 'good guy' for her) as a way for me to regain some shred of dignity I had left and move on with my life, she replied basically saying that I randomly asked her to pay me back after she offered twice, and that I'm weird as fuck, and to fuck off and stop texting her. I lost it, and ended up calling her 80 times, until she threatened to call the police and blocked my number, and also changed it, and announced that she changed it on Instagram to all her 1,000+ followers. Shortly after she blocked me too. Here I am, not hurt by what she said, but in disbelief at my own behavior.

How stupid I acted, how irrational my thinking was - this wasn't me at all. I was never a crazy stalker type, and I cannot help but feel like this single moment is a defining factor for how my career will plan out in the future. In my head, I am thinking, she must explain to her colleagues/friends why she had to change her number, and name dropped me, effectively barring me from any chance at working in the industry. It'd been 5 days since this incident. I took this time to seek therapy, read all self-help books I can find, and fully commit to doing a complete 180 in my life to improve myself, especially when it comes to boundaries with other people. I am actually seeing my psychiatrist this Sunday.

I can't believe I drove what was a normal, friendly relationship into the ground, I feel like a monster. In the end, I care about my career over everything, it is my dream and has been my dream for the past 6 years of my life to work in this industry, I have dedicated hours upon hours to it. I can't help but feel like this one instance, I ruined my chances, but I also can't tell if I'm blowing this out of proportion. My colleagues tell me I'm talented enough, I have people in the industry as well (people who also work in a different location of the same agency she works at, who don't know this happened) tell me I have potential and am talented. I feel so close, I can imagine myself doing the work I dedicated my life to now, and I feel like I fucking blew it. Did I ruin my chances? Or am i blowing this out of proportion? On top of this I feel like I have ruined my reputation knowing that this girl from the industry hates and cannot stand my guts - I had been trying to break in for the past 6 years and it felt like the industry slapping me in the face and telling me "no" in some cosmic way.

Also, feeling like shit that this amazing girl flat out rejected me (even though it was my fault) and now hates me, wants nothing to do with me. She's attractive, has the job I want, plays guitar, has style all this - is this a case of oneitis? Just trying to get over this darkest hour of my lfie.