I have been lurking on the manosphere for some time now... could it be almost a year?

I have been becoming gradually more redpilled since my youth. I was "raised" by a single mother, abusive, and had some redpill lessons from women very early on. I am 20 now.

Since then, i beat depression, I'm making very nice progress on most aspects of my life. I have a lot of interaction with women, i get shit tests, iois and action too.

Hovewer, i still feel somewhat down. Knowing all the inner workings of women, being able to read situation sometimes makes me laugh, but most of the time just makes me sad.

What could it be? Is it the fact that the bullshit women put you through is almost unbearable? Is it the knowledge that our civilisation is fucked?

I would be really gratefull if some of you could tell me if they felt similar sometime in their redpill journey and when it changed, or how they changed it. Stay strong.