This is going to be a long-winded post. I'm going to keep it as brief as possible. This is also my first post. Be brutally honest with me if you want. I only feel comfortable saying this online, anyways. I don't talk about it with my friends or my family, period.

I'm a 19 year old young man, N=2. I'm in my second year of a competitive nursing program. The first year of school I met a girl, HB6, she has a weight issue. Other than that we are totally compatible. That's been the only thing holding me back from committing.

We've been dating, pretty much secretly for two years. I never claimed her, never posted her on social media. I just could never come to terms because she is fat.

When we met we were both virgins. After about 3-6 months, she finally gave in. The whole time she was scared to give me her virginity without me committing to her. She eventually accepted a role as being Friends With Benefits.

Everything was cool until she opened up to me recently.

We've done lots of fun, "couple stuff". Dates, movies, dinners, etc. She's always paid for me. I've probably spent less than $100 on her.

When we met I was a recovering AFC. I just discovered the manosphere and as a 17 year old kid I did what I had to; I went out and approached. I got rejected hundreds of times. I started lifting. I've made some pretty sick gains in two years.

I'm just pissed off because I've spent the whole time we've been together improving myself, and she never got the hint.

I never wanted to say that her weight was an issue. She should have just known. It ain't hard to tell.

I've basically told her that I'm just not gonna budge, dodging the question. She asks me to be 100% honest, why won't I commit? I just say stuff like I'm not good with commitment, etc...

She should really know by now. She's asking, "Am I not good enough for you? Stuff like that.

The Red Pill knowledge I've learned has shown me to never settle. I imagine a great future as a fit, successful bachelor. On the contrary, I feel that in the long run I will end up feeling empty.

I have a girl, I took her virginity, she loves me to the moon and back. All she wants to do is show me how much she cares. I met her family, her friends, she cooks me dinner. She never met mine. She's on the pill, and we've had unprotected sex hundred of times.

Am I an asshole? I think I am doing the right thing by not settling. But I feel like I can't drag it out any longer and I have to just cut my losses, start seeing other girls, even though we are going to have nursing classes together for the next two years.

It's so much to explain so I'm leaving tons of information out.

I don't feel bad giving everything up right now. But what I wonder is will I ever meet another girl in my life who loves me to this extent? I feel like any girl who's been through the emotional rollercoaster is damaged goods. The pair-bonding capacity deteriorates with each subsequent partner.

She's perfect for me. The only thing keeping us apart is her weight. I also want to live TRP lifestyle and I don't see monogamy/marriage as a realistic future in this day and age.

We had an hour-long conversation just now. She called me and was basically like, can I call you my boyfriend? I want to be honest with my mom. I feel stupid. I feel used. If you only wanted to be fuckbuddies then you could have just told me.

And the whole time I was a brick wall. To make things worse, I even fucked another girl a couple months ago. She basically put it on a platter and I went through with it. I didn't feel guilty, and I still don't.

I think I should be completely selfish, boost my SMV, boost my N-count, and live life with no regrets. But at the same time part of me feels like I will end up having no empathy for others whatsoever, and die alone.

I'm just about ready to cut things off, because after two years, she hasn't done a single thing about her weight. Is it my fault for not explicitly telling her, or is it her fault for not realizing?

Am I wrong? Knowing what you know, what would you do if you were me?

tldr; Been dating/FWB a fat girl for two years. Never claimed her/committed. She's been pushing for a relationship lately and can't understand why I keep refusing. I haven't mentioned anything about her weight to spare her feelings. Besides her weight, we are fully compatible. I see a future with her, probably not marriage though. I see her as a liability if she doesn't get her health in check. I simply will not commit.

Am I wrong?