I need some advice

In a complicated situation. Throwaway account. I met this girl exactly a year ago. I had just ended a long term relationship and was fucking everything that moved. I bartend so it wasn't hard. Newly single for about two months and am fucking chicks every night. Have about 5 in the rotation at all times. Sometimes 3 girls in one day. I meet this girl at work (mistake) we will call her F. She is gorgeous. I'm intrigued. She knows one of my coworkers, and I can tell she is into me. I get her instagram from my buddy and dm her. We meet up a few days later and have the absolute best date I've ever been on. I know I will get ripped apart for this but it was seriously like magic. I take her to bars where I know everyone working. Everyone is coming up to me saying hi. Buying us drinks / shots. She's loving it. I know I'm in. We are out for hours drinking and finally go back to my place and we fuck all night. No condom. It's the best sex I've ever had. Without a doubt. She cums 5 times. Calls me a god.

She ended up losing her purse at some point. She works at a breakfast cafe as a cook and has work at 6 am. No keys. No phone. No way to get into her car. I give her a ride to her house, then to work. I don't mind. Go home pass out. Call the Uber driver and get the purse back. Get the keys. Find her car. It's in front of the restaurant we met at. Drive her car back to my house so she doesn't get a ticket. She comes back to my place after work. All her stuff is there. She's so happy. But tired from the night before and passes out for a bit on my couch. I watch her sleep a little bit. It's adorable. She's snoring. She offers to buy me dinner. She apparently used to work with my ex and thought we were still dating. Still fucked me. She had heard of me before we met. This girl is all over my dick. We go get pizza and come back and fuck for the next 2 days. No condom. Can you tell where this is going? There will be some curveballs I promise.

I'm wild about F but still have other girls in rotation hitting me up. I trim the herd. I really want F but I don't want to get into another relationship so soon. She sends me dirty pictures. Waits for me to get off work and comes over in lingerie to fuck. I'm honest with her about it. Tell her straight up I wanna be able to see other people. She hates it and says goodbye. Doesn't want to fuck someone that's fucking other people especially if we don't use condoms. She had just gotten out of a ltr relationship shortly before me. I'm the first guy she's been with and she is hurt. So she's gone for a couple weeks. I'm bummed. But she comes back.

I manage the bar for the restaurant we worked at and once we start ducking again she starts coming in sloppy drunk. Red flag. I tell her she can't do that. She gets very upset. We continue to fuck but I start to pull back. Seeing the red flags. Until I just about let her go. Don't see her for a few more weeks. I'm down to only 1 other girl I'm regularly fucking and I meet a rando and have some one night fun but no sex. Everything's fine. That's when I get the call.

9pm ish. I'm at work. "We need to talk in person. Call me when you get off." You know what's coming. I know what's coming. I fucked up. She is pregnant. It's mine. Idiot. I'm ready to face the music though. I tell her whatever she chooses to do I will support it. I make clear I believe we should have an abortion. She believes she should keep it. I don't have much choice. I stop fucking the other girls immediately. I focus on her. I don't tell anybody what's happening. I'm gonna have a kid in 9 months with a stranger. Fuck. I am as supportive as possible. We start really connecting and bonding over what is happening. I think I can do this. She is crazy about me. I'm actually crazy about her. She is smart, funny, sexy, speaks her mind. I'm into it. Then the curveball comes. You guys ready?

It starts to hurt when I pee. Burn actually. Fuck. I try to deny it for a day. It hurts too bad. I have to see a doctor. She calls. We had plans. I have to tell her where I'm going. If you have ever had an std you know what I'm going through at this point. But have you had to tell the girl you barely know that is pregnant with your child that you are going to the doctor because you have an std? Fuck man. That was a bad day. I go and the doctor tells me it's chlamydia. Thank fucking god. This will go away. It doesn't. It gets worse. Then the bumps. And the rash. And the pus. It scabs up. It hurts like hell. She gets it a week after I do. I go back. They do a swab culture test on the area. 100% accuracy on those things did you know? Test takes 5 days to come back. I'm shitting my pants. Not herpes. Not herpes. Not herpes. She says specifically you better not have given me herpes. Did you know that a woman pregnant with herpes can pass that shit onto the baby? I didn't but I do now. She fucking hates me. Says I'll never see the kid. I deserve that. Test comes back. Herpes. I have herpes. She has herpes now too. Our baby will most likely get herpes. It's hard. That sucked.

At this point the bar I'm working at isn't doing that great. I'm low on cash and living outside my means. Big mistake. She is paying for all the doctors visits and going broke in the process. I'm already broke. I can barely pay rent. She is slowly forgiving me about the std. I was so fucking stupid. Got her pregnant. Got herpes. I fucked up so bad. I'm spiraling at this point. Then my dad gets sick. Really sick. Then my aunt overdoses trying to kill herself. Then my grandma dies. F is by my side through all of this. We come to terms with happened and try to just move on. I move in with my mom and help open a new restaurant in downtown to make better money and save money for when the baby comes.

We start falling in love me and F. Really. Hard. I think the world of this girl. Even right now after everything while I'm typing. I think the happiest I've ever been is with this girl. Honestly. I am excited for this baby. Time to step up and be man. No more fucking around. Look where that got me. Herpes. I start working again. Making the most money I've ever made. Getting out of debt quickly. Stacking coin for the baby. She starts having a hard time at work. She works in a kitchen by the beach. It's hot AF. Very demanding job. I couldn't do it. She is working 12-13 hours. She comes over after work one day with heat stroke. I get her in a cold bath and she comes back to life. I think she almost died that day. Was really scary. She starts to not be able to handle the work load. Her boss knows she is pregnant but no sympathy. All female cafe. Supposed to be a girl gang, but they fuck her over in my opinion. She's a really hard worker and she gets more work put on her. Covering for other peoples vacations. She can't handle it. One day she texts me something's not right. She goes to the doctor and finds out she had a miscarriage.

This is where you all are thinking I lucked out but I was devastated. She was devastated. We thought we could make it work for some reason. We were building a life. Sounds crazy now but at the time it was real. We stay together. She tells me she loves me a few times after when she is drunk. She is really sad. I don't know how to handle it. We just do what we are good at and keep fucking like crazy. To console each other I guess. To not face the feelings we are having about what just happened. She realizes trying to keep the baby was a mistake. It's a blessing. We can accomplish whatever we want still without a baby holding us back. I get her pregnant again. Another accident. I'm just a fucking idiot right. Can you believe how stupid I am? No condom again? Jesus Christ. This time she gets an abortion. We have known each other for 4 months.

It was a really confusing time for both of us. But you know what? If we can get through that we can get through anything. We should be together. I move in with a buddy shortly after and we start dating like normal people. I had never been to her house. Her mom lived with her and was super Christian. Her mom is fucked up. Motorcycle crash causing a brain injury. She has been homeless. I meet her and think crack head. But we end up getting along really well. I'm not phased for some reason. Major red flag to you guys but I am blind at this point. This girl has been with me through 2 pregnancies, herpes, all sorts of family issues, financial trouble. I can be fine with this. And I am. Her mom has always been kind to me. We understand each other. But she is fucking crazy. F definitely has mommy issues. And I will later find out daddy issues too.

We are really happy together. We make plans. We fall in love. We go out. We go to restaurants and movies. One night we go to see a movie. We walk out of the theatre and she is feeling weird. I never smoke pot. But she does. Not while she was pregnant. But now that she isn't no big deal. We shared an edible before the movie. It hits me hard. She is starting to freak out. I think it's the drugs. She falls to the ground. Weed brownies don't do this. She starts convulsing in the middle of the mall food court. I'm high out of my mind. I call 911. Paramedics come. She comes to. They think she had a seizure. She is able to ride with me to the closest hospital. When she got pregnant. She took herself off of her step dads insurance so that he wouldn't get anything saying she was pregnant. Now she has no insurance. She is in a lot of pain. They run all sorts of test. They do a Ct scan and a spinal tap. I'm high out of my mind. There are people dying next to us in the hospital. It's so packed we are in the hallway on a gurney. I have panic attack in my head but don't show that I'm freaking out so bad to any doctors. I'm sure they knew haha.

They let us go home. It was one of the scariest nights of my life. We were there for 12 hrs ish. I'm telling her she isn't going to die tonight. She hurts. We get to her house and pass out. She wakes up a few hours later. Sits up and topples over out of bed. Lands right on her head. I'm thinking concussion. She says she is fine. I have to go to work. Her sister comes to take care of her. I come back over after work. We have to go back to the hospital she is so unwell.

After this she starts to experience a myriad of symptoms. Tremors in her hands and legs. Migraines. Bad ones. She loses her vision from these migraines. She throws up all the time. Passes out randomly. While walking or standing she just drops. We go to the hospital 6 more times. No insurance. Bills start coming in. Hospitals are expensive. One time they hooked her up to an ekg 5 times. The little things wouldn't stick because she uses lotion and her skin is so soft. They charged her for each one. $800 each. She is totally fucked. She spent most of her savings on the appointments from the pregnancy. She can't drive to work anymore because she might pass out while driving. So she has to Uber to and from work.turn her lease in early. Loses a ton of money on that.

F's health gets worse and worse. One morning she shows up to work and has to leave to go to the ER. They fired her. For going to the fucking emergency room. I love this girl. I really do. She is having one fucked year. We can't even go target or the grocery store without it tiring her out. I don't know how she was working. She files for unemployment and food stamps. The unemployment takes 2 months to show up. Even then it's barely anything. I basically live with her already. I give her money for rent, bills, whatever she needs. I feel bad I couldn't do this when she was pregnant. I had nothing then but I can help financially now so it's no problem to me.

Her health gets worse. She can't eat. She can't sleep. She feels bad all the time. She has no money. She can't work. She has herpes. I feel like I ruined this girl. I try to give her everything she needs. She starts to resent me. You guys know where this headed? I think I did too. But I refused to believe it. Her mom moves out. Found a farm to live on. Leaves her daughter. Sick. Broke. What the fuck. I step in. Say I want to move in and can help with the bills. We agree I will move in. Then it starts to get bad. She looks at me differently now. Her mental health is starting to decline. She's not sleeping for days at a time. A doctor tells us later that this can cause psychosis. I'm positive she had a full on mental breakdown. She starts listening to serial killer podcasts. I think she might kill me in my sleep one night. I fucking keep going along. Haven't even moved in yet. But I still go for it. She tells me she is unhappy. I think she is just sick and once we can see a doctor she will feel better. We were so happy at one point. She finally gets medical because she is unemployed. Her first attack and symptoms started in October. My car catches on fire november. Purely mechanical it was an old car and was breaking down on me for a while. Electrical fire when I went to start the car. She isn't able to see a primary car physician until a few days ago. She is hopeless about her illness. Thinks this is her life now. She resents me. Thinks that she owes me something even though I was happy to help. She goes to LA to see her birth dad. Stays up there for 5 days. Has a mental breakdown. Talks about killing herself. I'm missing her so bad. I want to go see her. She says no. She comes back and her dad stays in the apartment for 5 days. I was supposed to move in but I waited for him to go home. He painted the house for us and fixed some stuff up. I move in the next day. We are obviously not ok. I don't think she loves me anymore. I don't think she even likes me. She says I'm like a stranger in her house. I ask if she wants me to leave but she says no. She seems so unhappy. We aren't talking really.

We have good days and bad days. She tells me she has a friend coming in to town and that he just confessed something awkward to her. That he loves her and wants to be with her and is coming to town to make it official. She is shocked by this. She berates this dude for thinking that she wants to be with him. He comes to town anyway. She sees him for an hour at the park. I trust her. She tells me that she said her piece to this guy. How she was so upset that he would think she wanted to be with him when she was with me. I believe it. I don't think she fucked this guy. I don't think about it.

At some point we stopped talking. Stopped connecting. She is in a lot of pain emotionally and physically. She feels alone. Even with me around. Especially with me around. I'm not good with feelings. I avoid it. I can tell this hurts her. But I never realized how bad. I know now she wanted to kill herself at a few points. I was so blind. She has been home all the time for 2 months. She starts planning a trip to philly to look at colleges. Wants to go back to school. Start a new career. It's all she talks about. She asks what I want. I want to go with her. This drives her crazy. She is stir crazy. She starts reaching out to old friends. Guy friends. I see her texting all the time. Late night in our bed. I trust her but I feel weird about it so I don't bring it up. It just keeps building. We fight. Some bad fights. It has only been 3 weeks since I moved in. I get home one night and she is naked on our couch. Not unusual. She is naked in the house pretty much all day. I don't think anything of it. She goes to bed immediately. I know something is up.

Her iPad is out. I go through it. I find it what I'm looking for. She is texting all the dirty things she is going to do this guy in Philly on her trip. We have some kinky sex. But this was beyond what I even knew people talked about. Naked pictures in our house. She writes him about sending a package. It's bad. It's not the guy who came to town. It's someone else. These are the only messages I read. I check her FaceTime and she has been facetiming him m. Literally right up until I walked through the door that night. She has been talking to him since the day I moved in. I am fucked up sad and angry. I change my address on every bill to my moms house. I plan to move. Im out. I try to sleep. I'm going to talk to her in the morning about it. I can't and I confront her. We fight like crazy. Cry all night. We drive to the beach. Fuck in my car. Go home sleep. We fuck all day. When I leave for work she is happy. For the first time in a long time. The sex we had was weird. I was so confused. I knew I shouldn't be doing it but I did it anyway. I came inside her again. No condom. Buy plan b pill the next day. Make her take it. I come home from work and she is gone. Can't be home. We can't be in the same room or we will just get back together. I pack my shit and move it to my moms house. I say some mean shit and cut off communication for a couple days. I miss her like crazy. I want to be with her. There is so much I am leaving out. She says that I neglected her emotionally for a long time. So she had to find that somewhere else. I pushed her away. I don't disagree with this. She admits that cheating was a horrible thing to do. I feel guilty. I am a beta cuck now. We have been talking every day for hours about opening up more. I've never felt more connected to this girl. To anyone. I want to forgive her. She didn't actually fuck this other guy. But she planned to. It kills me. I moved out. All my stuff is out of her place. I don't know how she will afford rent. I am on the lease. I don't want to giver her any money but I would give her all my money if she asked.

I joined a boxing gym. Have been working out. Trying to feel better. See a therapist tomorrow. I haven't seen her. She wanted to meet up to talk but I said no. What do I do. Can I make this work? Or should I abandon ship. I'd you asked me right now would I get back together with her my answer would be absolutely Fuck yes. Am I scared of re entering the dating world with herpes? Fuck yes. This situation is fucked. I moved all of my stuff out of her house on the 1 year anniversary of the day we met. That is 1 pretty fucked yo 365 days am I right?

Could use a little advice guys.