_> I unconsciously view women and feminists as authority figures

I know it sounds like classic Mommy issues and it probably is. My parents divorced because my mother didn't respect my dad as anything but 'the father of my children.' And no way in hell was she attracted to him by the end. Thankfully there was only one incident of domestic violence between them, but there were a few days near the end where she basically ordered him to sleep downstairs. So I associate marriage with this, despite Mum remarrying and Dad being happily re-coupled.

Growing up most to all of my authority figures were women. Not just grade school teachers; I have a learning disability so a lot of the social workers looking after me/checking up on me were women too, such as my SENCO in school. 4 out of 5 of my therapists were women too. My sister is technically 18 months' younger than me, but she is more dominant than me and sometimes acts like a mother figure or older sister.

Then I went to an all-boys' secondary school so I'm several years behind my peers on mixed sex socialisation. I've caught up a little bit but would still fail with relationships and this is before I knew about all the male disposability, legal gynocentrism/misandry which has left me terrified.

I've read tons of MRA/MGTOW/PUA/Manosphere/general anti-feminist and a fair bit of feminist lit so I am well and truly 'red pilled,' the problem is that when I stand up against feminist BS on FB all it takes is for them to share my status, accuse me of 'mansplaining' or something similar and my paranoia kicks in that this is going to close doors for me job-wise, or be put as a warning for 'hate speech' (I live in UK so freedom of speech laws are not as flexible as in US, no First Amendment.) But at the same time, working with anti-feminist women, that fear of disappointing them kicks in.

It's an odd, not particularly sexual way of looking at women. Obviously my body and dick thinks about women in the most physical and sexual sense. But on the emotional plane they're all (not literally all but most whom I socialise with regularly besides some casual friends) are proxy mother figures. This eventually played out with my ex and fucked things up especially when the TRP guys started convening me she was hypergamous. And Feminists are akin to abusive, controlling mothers in my mind which I think privately motivates a lot of my men's issues advocacy. But I worry it's going to hold me back from standing my ground in public and right now a team of female anti-feminists need my support with that.

It's a catch-22 though; every therapist I goes to, is by necessity an authority figure! So even though they've helped me with CBT for my anxiety and depression in general, how the fuck am I meant to resolve this.

Any tips appreciated. Thank you.