Original thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6e311f/how_to_save_my_ltr/

So I broke radio silence because it was just killing me not knowing what was going on. I told her she needs to respect the boundaries I set in the relationship and stop making excuses for no contact. Now you might think that's beta, but it's actually quite the opposite - why should I put up with her shit? We're in a LTR and she's giving me the biggest shit tests she can think of.

I called her and she said she'd been so busy that she can't contact me, like, at all. She even manages to make it sound convincing. (Can you see the red flags everywhere yet?) and she said that because she's away for 2 months and we wont be able to see eachother and she's unable to really contact me, that she fears we'll argue and have a bad break up. So she wants to break up NOW. Obviously my hamster went crazy and I tried to find out what was actually wrong, didn't work.

Called her again today and she said that she hasn't thought about it because she's been busy. She needs to think about what she wants, which is either; stay together over the summer, have a break or an actual break up. She's making me wait for an answer whilst giving me no indication as to what is wrong. Remember from the original post, we sorted everything out 3 weeks ago and we were the happiest we've been in months.

Tonight I had a realisation. She is incredibly manipulative and I've been blinded by love. Shortly after we 'fell in love' back in February, she would throw me the biggest juiciest ugliest shit tests imaginable, including; withholding sex by making the worst excuses (I'm tired), NOT wanting to see or speak to me for a week or two without any explanation (until I escalated the argument and she broke and told me what was up) - there is a theme here... Her problem is that she creates big issues and then does not communicate, so I'm left picking up the pieces wondering what the fuck is going on, it's made me incredibly stressed and anxious.

Yes, I 'still love her', but I suddenly feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like as if I just properly swallowed the pill. This relationship isn't fucking rocket science. She is the problem. If she's doing all this because of my beta behaviour or inability to control her, it still doesn't make it right.

I knew deep down something wasn't right early on. But first love and loss of virginity and everything... it seemed special to me. I don't know what I'm going to do but I sure as hell aren't going to let her control what happens to me and this relationship.

The truth hurts but it's also empowering. She doesn't deserve my love. She earned it in the beginning by giving me the affection and validation I so craved, and by telling me she loved me. It's funny how easy some guys are.

Can you guys help me to cement this into my brain instead of hamstering over and over again? Right now in this moment I know that we need to break up and I need to do it, but I figure when I wake up tomorrow morning I'm going to be yearning for her affection. Help.

TL;DR: Huge groundbreaking revelation that my LTR is not a unicorn and instead a manipulative woman who is ruining me. Help me to stop hamstering.