This is a personal story about a former friend of mine. We'll call him John. We drifted apart several years ago because I left the country, but before that we got on very well.

To understand the context of this story you have to understand I come from a very conservative culture where men are expected to provide, while women are expected to be housewives.

John began to date a girl, who we'll call Jenny. The two of them dated for about 2 1/2 years before they got engaged and married. John was a genius, straight A student studying engineering. The girl he was dating wasn't stupid either, but she never applied herself because of the existing culture. She never aspired to be anything more than a housewife.

Of course, while they were dating Jenny worked in a clothes shop full time. From a mutual friend a learnt that Jenny promised to keep working and seek a better job after John and her got married.

They were married in January of 2016, and by June of 2016 she had quit her job while John works full time 50+ hours a week. I have visited their home twice since they were married. On both occasions she sat on a laptop doing online shopping while John chastised her for spending too much money.

Of course, Jenny is now pregnant and has no intention of going back to work.

Now, from what I gather from the mutual friend, they ARE happy together. The only bone of contention is Jenny's refusal to pursue a full time career and be a housewife/kept woman/full time mother instead.

This led me to wonder where the blame for this lay. After thinking about it for a few days I have figured out three potential reasons.

  1. Jenny's personality. Jenny could simply be workshy, or have no desire to pursue a career.

  2. The social conservatism of the society. The deeply conservative culture of where I live has almost all women acting as full time housewives/mothers. With such an existing culture women may lack inspirational female role models in their potential fields of works.

  3. Religion. Jenny and John are both extremely religious. This factor ties into the social conservatism of society, but it was significant enough that I believed it deserved its own category. Their extreme religiosity manifests as part of a fundamentalist community of Biblical literalists.

My conclusion is that a socially conservative culture that entrenches these social traditions is disadvantaging men by forcing them to undertake the role of sole breadwinner. A pressure which is exacerbated by the 21st Century's tough economic conditions.

It also disadvantages women like Jenny who could have put their brains to use. She will never realise her full potential if she resigns herself to be a homemaker. There was no need for her to settle down and have a child when she was 20 years old. In the era of maternity and paternity leave she could have waited until she had established herself in a career.

What do you think? Is my conclusion incorrect? Are there any other factors I could consider?

Thanks in advance for any criticism or comments you can offer.