Any advice for someone about to seek more physical custody

RedBigMan · 2016-08-06T18:46:40+00:00

Stabilize your situation first. Get a place to live and a job then work on this because in a worst case scenario where you have to go to court over it having your ducks in a row ends up with better outcomes.

antonulrich · 2016-08-06T18:48:50+00:00

Which jurisdiction are you in? Laws are different everywhere.

If your relationship with the mother isn't too bad, convincing her to voluntarily give you more time may be easier than convincing a court. Worth thinking about. Does the mother get child support from you? If so, this may be an issue, as in some places child support is tied to custody -- i.e. she'd lose money if she let you have more time with the kid. Does she work? If so, she may be glad if you can babysit -- that's a golden opportunity for you.

This will be literally uprooting how she's lived the last 5 years.

And that's exactly why a court is probably going to dislike the idea as well. So maybe you can try a gradual approach. Spend a year going to all her school events, all her extracurricular activities, all her doctor and dentist appointments, spending as much time with her as possible. Collect some evidence that you are a good parent and that being with you is good for your daughter. Get teachers and neighbors and your daughter's friends' parents to know you so that they can testify, if necessary, that you are a good parent. Get photos of you and her doing stuff together. Write down how much time you spend with her and what you are doing together.

After that you might be in a better position to ask for a custody change.

2016-08-07T02:12:22+00:00

How are the lines of communication with the ex?

She may not be all that positive, but seeing as the overwhelming majority of the hurdles you'll face will be resulting from any pushback from her end, it makes sense to get her on board as much as you can.

I'd suggest pointing out that your military career was always going to end some day, that the day is now, and that you want to work with her and your daughter to wean yourself back into her life. If you express sympathy for what changes will bring, illustrate that you want to engage at a pace everyone can handle, and demonstrate that you're open to your ex's suggestions (if they are reasonable), perhaps you can get her on board.

But as others have advised, the best step you can take is to get yourself set up, employed and ready to have a kid for visits. Start with a night, then work your way up as both you and your daughter get used to each other. I'd also start when she is on her school break, as another example of how you don't want to impact her negatively, if you can.

Title	Any advice for someone about to seek more physical custody
Author	turbulance4
Upvotes	9
Comments	4
Date	August 6, 2016 6:24 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4wh27h/any_advice_for_someone_about_to_seek_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/any-advice-for-someone-about-to-seek-more-physical.944183 https://theredarchive.com/post/944183

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