Where do I begin?

I've been asked by the Feminist Political Machine, "If you support women's rights, why don't you call yourself a feminist? Feminism is equality and women's rights. You're basically saying you're anti-women's rights." And I can answer that question. I've tried to answer that question. I've worn out my throat trying to answer that question, to an audience that was never interested in the answer in the first place. Their expectation was for me to acquiesce to their "logic", and convert to their religious level of dogma, be a happy little feminist and get a fucking gender studies degree with them.

I refuse to answer them at this point. I decline to exhaust the effort to explain to them that Feminism is not Women's Rights, it's how you chose to pursue Women's Rights. I have grown too tired of outlining for them that anti-feminism is the opposition to the methods used by feminism to acquire equal rights. From protesting outside a seminar on male suicide and calling attendees who are numb with grief over a recently lost loved one "worthless fucking scum", to lobbying against boy's scholarships when there are so many girl's scholarships and girls are doing better in school than boys by leaps and bounds (showing how much help boys currently need to succeed). It's evident that the problems of the world are too large and numerous for me to care about one group.

But then, I'm asked by the Men's Rights Advocates. "Do you have something against the Men's Rights Movement? You hate feminism just like we do; are you just a white knight? Does that fenceboard just fit up your crack nicely?" And I can answer that question as well. I've tried to answer it. I've taken the bitter, angry slings and arrows trying to explain that I still care about women's issues, as much as men's. I myself am a survivor of a rape; I know what it's like to be terrified. I know what it's like knowing that the person responsible for the harm done to me is potentially still a free man. I was a child of an abusive, sexist, racist, homophobic father, so I know what it's like to feel that kind of hate and intolerance in my own home. I watched my mother get beaten by him when he was drunk. I listened from under my bedcovers at night as he would scream at her in the kitchen downstairs, call her awful things, and then disappear for the rest of the night, leaving my mother sobbing herself to sleep. My personal experience tells me that I cannot look at life through the lens of one side of this gender war or another, because both sides are guilty - and they're guilty of equal shares of part of what each side is accusing the other of. Most of all, they're both guilty of spreading the seeds of hate among themselves against the other. Men's Rights Advocates rushing to paint the most vile picture of womankind, while Feminists hurriedly slap together a picture of a snarling beast and call it "Man".

To me, it's both wrong.

But then, I'm asked by Egalitarians, "If you don't want to side with either one, why Anti-Feminist? Why not Egalitarian? We're a peaceful movement and we don't take sides." And I have an answer for that. I've tried to answer that question. I've cast my credibility into doubt in the eyes of the most moderate of them all trying to answer that question. Ultimately, Egalitarianism isn't a political alignment. It's a foundation; a fundamental philosophy. Men's Rights Advocates and Feminists both have their genesis in Egalitarianism. You don't do anything with a philosophy on its own until you make it into something. Without an application of a philosophy, it's all just a lot of words and no substance. It's like having a cake recipe and just eating the paper the recipe is written on and expecting it to taste like a cake.

By nature, I am critical of everything. I question everything I see. I refuse to take things at face value. As a result, each side will view me as an agent of the enemy. MRAs see me as closet feminist because I question the assertions within the movement. Feminists view me as a self-hater and a misogynist. I judge that which I know is wrong, and support that which I know is right. I make my assertions based on whatever facts I have available to me to support my view as close to truth as I can. Sometimes I'm wrong. If I was never wrong, I wouldn't be a low-income nobody.

But, here's the kicker; a feminist asked me about three-ish months ago, through Facebook, "If you are critical of MRAs, why do you just call yourself anti-feminist? Doesn't that kind of prove your bias?" And, on paper, it does seem like that should be the case. But in practice, when you look at Anti-Feminism is (which was another joyful experience of me slamming my head against a wall trying to explain basic concepts to a grown adult), I am against the things that Feminists do to acquire equal rights for women.

What have MRAs ever done for men's rights that even come close to the crazy shit that feminists do? For every SlutWalk, how many AssholeWalks are there? For every domestic abuse awareness poster, how many feature men being beaten by their wives? For every MRA rally or event that feminists try and crash or shut down, how many feminist rallies have been taken apart by MRA protest groups? For every feminist blog that says "The only way to create peace is the extermination of the male gender" or "the only good man is a dead one", how many MRA blogs suggest that women are a herd in need of thinning out through mass murder? For every hashtag like #IBATHEINMALETEARS or #KILLALLMEN, where are the hastags like #KEEPWOMENINTHEIRPLACE or #DEADBITCHES? The answer is... well, there aren't. Feminism is built on the mechanics of a smear campaign, designed to elevate women by reducing men to the level of cattle or monkeys, while the Men's Rights Movement focuses (mostly) on raising awareness of legal issues and things affecting men directly.

I'm an outsider to all of this. I live a life that is steeped in depression and anxiety and self-doubt on a daily basis. The only way I have to cope with the world around me is to scrutinize and make sense of it as best I can.

I believe that questioning what you are told is the cornerstone of knowledge. This is why I am an Anti-Feminist.