From r/relationships: Guy's wife lies for years about being infertile and has three abortions behind his back. Somehow, they make him to blame.

bishnu13 · 2014-01-01T07:12:51+00:00

OP:

My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for 8. Children had been a point of contention for us early on in the relationship, as I did not want children, and she did. About a year before I proposed, we had a long talk about it. I said that children would be a dealbreaker for me. She decided that being with me was worth not having children, and we ended up getting married.

A little after we got married, my wife was told that she was infertile and would be incapable of conceiving.

TOP COMMENT:

sounds to me like she's been aborting kids that she wanted in order to keep you how you could get mad at her for that is beyond me. you ought to feel really bad about it, if anything

Are you kidding me?

EDIT:

I have my own theories about what's going on

I bet I know where you're going with this. The fact that she didn't mention her first two pregnancies to an understanding husband who was willing to have children if she were to become pregnant despite her diagnosed infertility is really curious, as is her attempts to make him feel bad for her decisions. For his sake, I hope that the worse scenario didn't happen.

omegainvictus · 2014-01-01T07:05:40+00:00

This is unusual. Your thread title implies that 1) he was the one wanting kids and she didn't, lying to him about her infertility, and 2) she got pregnant from other dudes and needed an abortion as a result. There's not enough info.

I would say that there are no winners in this. It's her fault for lying and putting herself through it. At the same time, why did she feel like she couldn't tell him if she was pregnant? Misdiagnoses happen.

alt30313 · 2014-01-01T11:22:16+00:00

OP:

She then proceeded to tell me that this was the third time in 8 years that she's gotten an abortion, the first being 3 years ago, the second being 5 years ago, and the third being today.

Upvoted comment:

I agree, the lengths this woman went to to keep you happy rule out any anger you have about dishonesty. Take care of her, she's carrying enough emotional turmoil right now.

I cannot believe she didn't ask him to wear a condom or get a vasectomy. Why lie about infertility? I understand she was having birth control issues but why not be honest with your husband. I also do not understand why he should be expected to have extra sympathy for the situation she created. I do not understand why he couldn't expect her to be honest and mature.

2014-01-01T10:22:20+00:00

I suppose the real question is why she chose not to tell him, and why after the first one she kept him fucking her without birth control.

Best guess - The abortions were of kids who had a significant chance of not passing for his (ie different race) and she needed rid of them, but if she consulted him there was a risk he'd warm to the idea and the jig would be up. Then once she'd done it explaining that she knew she was fertile would have raised more questions.

bishnu13 · 2014-01-01T08:22:10+00:00

There's a lot of low hanging fruit on reddit. Why go after this? Some dude says he doesn't want kids and makes this an ultimatum. Chick okays it and takes care of business. He is to blame as he made the ultimatum. Though she agreed and is partially to blame. She's simply being professional and taking care of business with minimal complaining and eventually needing some support after undergoing multiple medical procedures. Nothing to see here. Just one alpha and one beta, though it's the one with tits who's the leader here.

Also, to preface any argument on fertility, three pregnancies in eight years of unprotected sex likely means infertile. The medical definition is one year of unprotected sex for young women.

alt30313 · 2014-01-01T16:32:51+00:00

However, she does carry some resentment towards me for making her go through it alone

What? How in the fuck is he supposed to help her go through it if he didn't even know that she was doing this?

she feels like I forced her to deal with it alone and abandoned her.

She forced it upon herself to go through with it alone, this is not the guys fault at all that he "wasn't there for her" CAUSE HE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

All the above was from a sane MR poster in the MR thread.

2014-01-01T09:52:03+00:00

This seems like a much more complicated situation than you're describing. She wanted kids, but still had three abortions for him. Infertility can be misdiagnosed.

semigod__ · 2014-01-01T08:45:12+00:00

i dont really see any relation to trp.

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