Help me find balance

lastdumra · 2018-05-15T08:59:09+00:00

You need to rethink your model of how women are. At least this was my problem and what solved it, when I was in your exact situation.

Let me be more clear. You have in your mind this idea of how a woman can be, the modern woman that society has promoted so hard. This woman does not exist. But because in your mind you are looking for this type of woman, you either: 1) get deceived because your woman is not like that so you feel she is not worth it and feel like treating her like shit, or 2) you assume she'll behave according to your model and expect certain attitudes and actions that never happen (because women are not like that) and then you keep hanging there expecting her to behave as you expect and rationalizing the shit that is happening in the relationship.

The reality is you need to change what you expect of women, your mental model of how women are. Once you have a more realistic view of women, you can learn to love women for what they are (and there is much to love, believe me).

This was my issue to your problem at least. Hope it helps you.

master_beta89 · 2018-05-15T18:28:01+00:00

I can relate to your feelings and I think your first problem is you are spending too much time and energy with women (and probably people in general) you don’t like.

Scenario 1 should never happen to a man who only pursues women he actually wants. If you only want her for sex, and you don’t feel good about that, leave her alone. Life is too short to give time to someone you aren’t truly interested in.

Scenario 2 will likely take care of itself once you only entertain women you like. You are subconsciously putting these women that you actually like on a pedestal because you give so much time to women you don’t like.

Ex. If I give 2 hours to Sex-Only-Suzy, I have 5 hours for Brenda-the-total Babe.

Brenda will think you’re acting strange for being so nice so soon and will think you’re desperate, and in a way you are, but you have created your own desperation by giving so much of yourself away to anyone who happens to be around.

My advice for you:

Take more time for yourself. Put yourself first. Say no to girls you wouldn’t be serious about. Have other things you are serious about besides dating women. This too is a form of abundance.

Edit: one last point. I also will bet: The girls “you really do care about” are just hotter than the usual girls you settle for. You need to set standards and say NO to girls you don’t like. Congrats, though - it sounds like you’re a desirable guy.

Title	Help me find balance
Author	HastTagLavishLust
Upvotes	2
Comments	2
Date	May 15, 2018 5:58 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8jjb96/help_me_find_balance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-me-find-balance.97253 https://theredarchive.com/post/97253

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