I don't want to go into it other than that I was used to enact her fantasy of a savage man raping her. I only went along with it for some intimacy, instead it left me feeling like a circus animal. Half way through I wanted to stop, but she demanded I go on.

I feel sick and abused. I could use some comfort that there are good women out there who don't see men this way. Almost makes me regret my passion of lifting if it has reduced me to less than human in the eyes of women, just a big gorilla with no feelings that rapes.

Going to be a long time till I can have sex again. This was a truly horrible experience. You know? As if you are some caged up gorilla a woman may see behind the bars for a wild animalistic experience. Wow, after this experience I feel even lonelier. Like you could only ever be appreciated as some savage zoo animal with no feelings.

Can you get therapy for this kind of experience? It has shook the core of my being and I'm going to go self-medicate with alcohol for now.