So it turns out there's yet another app/site where women can post cringeworthy selfies they've retaken 1000 times, cropped and photoshopped to receive instant ego-boosting ogles from hundreds of potential sex offenders and rapists in the area. I'm talking, of course, about Tinder, and until last week it hadn't so much as crossed my radar. Thanks to a friend I was getting high with, I was introduced to its glorious and unending archive of dolled up sluts I kind of recognised from maybe infant school or possibly the bus, and at the time it seemed like the greatest thing ever.

For those who don't know, Tinder finds girls (and the occasional tragic guy) in your pre-selected mile radius who need their daily dose of internet compliments, for you to peruse at your free will and swipe right for would bang and left for no chance. If you both press yes, you get to send them a message for them to finger themselves over and not reply to. I set a handsome photo of myself, typed an outrageous bio, and sent my face to the phones of anyone still up at 2am on a wednesday night. In it's place, I was shown a picture of Jennifer, 20 who I quickly swiped to the left. Jennifer, 20, left a lot to be desired with her 4 face only crops of her honestly not too bad face, but pic #3 contained the tell-tale sausage fingers of the elusive SIF.

Me and my mate had a good time checking out all the faces and swiping a few hotties off to the right side of the screen. That was until he piped in with "What if you just pressed yes on everyone, see what the girls who are biting look like". My mission for the next couple of days was set. After arguing over whether it was faster to keep swiping or keep pressing the yes button (its swiping by a big margin), and increasing the slut-radius to 25 miles, I set to work. Spliff in one hand, thumb raucously sliding across the screen in the other, the flipbook effect gave me a moving average of all the girls who had signed up in my area. Since when did so many girls take a picture with apparently the same sedated looking tiger while wearing a blue dress?

I attacked the screen with full force until my finger stopped hurting (or about 700 girls in), and waited for the results. Over the next couple of days, the notifications started pouring in. The first two girls' pictures looked too good to be true, and that was confirmed a few minutes later when the 25 year old somalian on the other end of the line sent me two links to the same camsite. No thank you. I then had fun sending the most obscene messages I could think of, asking random people at work to spout sentences and see the reaction. Needless to say, most of the girls ate it up. Such great lines as "mm, you're not great but who'[s your friend in your second picture can I meet her?" and "I've probably fucked your mom" turned into two page long threads. These girls were apparently lapping up the attention/abuse.

After a couple of days the notifications were slowing down so I decided to turn off the jokes and turn on the game. Just to point out, about 70% of the girls never actually replied, seemingly the subtle press of a yes of a guy high in a car who didn't even look at her picture was enough to satisfy her. 20% were obvious desperados, SIFs, camsite girls or always offline who I ignored or just messed around. Some unexpected successes though, one girl who apparently lived one mile away from me was very talkative and seemed to enjoy my opener on how the alcohol she was drinking in her profile picture (Frosty Jacks) was scummy and how I'd once drank 4 liters of it at uni in a room of 15 other people throwing up doing the same thing. I'm going to the pub with her when she gets back from visiting her friend up north, so that should be pretty chill.

But just the other day this fairly hot (7.5-8), seemingly quite keen girl yessed me and after flicking through her photos I asked how tall she was. Ten minutes and about 8 messages later we've exchanged phone numbers and I've invited her to buy me a pint in this pretty swank bar in town (ironically that's exactly the same line I used to get the other girl to meet me). Thing is, i've never met up with anyone from a dating site before and was wondering if any of you guys have. I know she'll look as bad as her worst picture etc and have no quarms with just nexting her the second I meet her if she's butters, but what are your experiences with Tinder? I'm thinking of deleting it and just going back to practising game on bar chicks because this feels way too serious already. I'm fairly sure while my intentions are to split a hotel room in the travelodge opposite the bar and smashing her back doors in hers are going to be thinking of baby names and talking about when we should settle down. Odd vibes, field report to come on Tuesday (or Wednesday morning).