Family violence and why women stay

Qapiojg · 2014-12-22T13:38:39+00:00

I post this story everywhere, but I feel like I have to and it's extremely relevant here.

One of my best friends was in an abusive relationship for years. Being around them as a couple was soul crushing, and I tried to get him out of it for so long. I called so many domestic violence hot lines trying to get advice or find one that I could have him call. I spent a week calling hotlines and either:

A) Getting forwarded to the Batterer's hotline(for men who beat women)

B) Accused of covering for a wife-beater, or being one

C) Being told outright "We only help women"

D) Being given a number, which ended up being the Batterer's hotline

The only one I found that was remotely helpful was the National Domestic Violence Hotline(1-800-799-7233 for anyone in such a situation). I also called a number of shelters and visited nearby ones; I had no luck there as they were all exclusively for women. Although they hid behind the ever prevalent "Need a safe space for victims" line, which inevitably left no safe space for male victims.

I tried to get him to call that hotline for a while, but he refused to help himself insisting it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. Then one day in the mall she saw an incredibly innocent text from a girl he was working on a project with. He told her he was working on a class project with her and apologizing to her because she was upset about it. She flipped out and started beating him with her purse, while people cheered her on with the usual phrases like "you go girl." She ended up beating him until he was unconscious and the mall security had to call an ambulance to get him.

He didn't press charges or anything but after that, he was more willing to take my advice and apparently she'd been doing a lot more things that I wasn't aware of. Shit that seemed too crazy for him to have wanted to stay with her so long(like putting thumb tacks on the floor so she knew if he wandered off in the middle of the night). I ended up talking him into leaving her and helped him move his stuff out of their apartment while she was away. I wish I could say it ended there and have a mildly happy ending, but no. She showed up at his new apartment a couple weeks later with a gun and forced him to have sex with her so that in her words: "I can have your baby and you'll never be able to shut me out of your life."

This time he did try to report it. He went into the police station twice on his own and was laughed out each time. Being the idiot that I was at the time(this is what made me get into the men's rights movement) I didn't believe they'd do that to someone reporting a crime. So I went with him the third time and experienced first hand how male victims are treated, in that station. The guys by the front desk looked at him and said "A guy that looks like you can't get raped" then laughed while pointing at his arm muscles as if that had anything to do with it. Then another guy came out and pointed out that he'd already been there twice before about the same thing and told him if he came in again they'd toss him in a cell for harassment.

That shit has torn him up inside

subzero_600 · 2014-12-22T10:55:40+00:00

After reading that, it's no wonder I felt totally helpless when I was with in my abusive relationship. While it was not violent (apart from a few minor incidents), they were very controlling when it came to money and socialisation. I ended up estranged from most of my family and financially dependent on them despite bringing in roughly the same amount of money as them. In the end I felt like there was no where for me to turn and when things really hit the fan, I had a push from outside and finally got out.

My story doesn't make good copy for newspapers though. Being a man and controlled by a woman. At least I'm out. Still, to see my only options for help is if I was the one doing the abusing (I live in the same city as the article) really does make me think is it worth it. Is it worthwhile getting back into the relationship game again. Going my own way it is.

Title	Family violence and why women stay
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	3
Date	December 22, 2014 1:42 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2q0x2f/family_violence_and_why_women_stay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/family-violence-and-why-women-stay.991842 https://theredarchive.com/post/991842

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