I've been onboard with mens rights and the issues facing males today in the west for several years now. My other friends didn't quite get where I was coming from, what I saw was simply not apparent to them, but rarely disagreed when I would point to certain statistics. You could say they were simply ambivalent.

This changed when Sexodus came out. For some reason this really hit home with many of them and something 'clicked'. It also opened my eyes in an interesting way, because I sat back and took a hard look at all of my buds. I realized we're all ensnared together. These guys, who are not extremely political or involved with social issues, posted the story and said "This describes who I am". Like a fool, I didn't even realize how true that was.

Of course it described them.. Just as it described me! I wasn't alone in what I was feeling and experiencing.

To a man, we are all struggling with depression issues and retreating into isolation. Video games, firearms, reading, movies/tvs. We struggle with serious depression and social anxiety and none of us are involved with a female (in a non-remote relationship).

I want to help them but I don't even know how to help myself. I don't know where to start.

Speaking for myself, I was formerly engaged and have dated off and on in the years since then... But all of those experiences were overwhelmingly negative. I couldn't hold a conversation with any of them, several just wanted hook ups, and a few were not what I would call stable.

I'm a web developer right now and I make decent money. However, this was a career choice I fell into because I wanted to be able to live with the person who I thought was going to be my wife. I'm pretty decent at my job, but I know it isn't "my passion".

But I don't know what it is that I want to do. I feel like I'm wasting my potential, because I'm only average in a profession I tolerate and this means I'm allocating resources into something I could be excellent at.. All because I made poor decisions with choosing a spouse. Please understand, I take full responsibility for that. I'm not putting these decisions on her.

I know that I should go out and about more instead of just working, hitting the gym and then coming home to read and play video games.. But I've come to realize that going out by myself and attempting to socialize is downright unpleasant. It isn't that I'm not good at socializing, in fact many of my friends think I'm extremely engaging and funny- but I find it extremely draining and the uncertainty of it all wears at me.

Best way I could describe it is, I can only do it so long until my 'reserves' deplete and then I have to go and be myself for them to recharge.

I still do it, though, when I'm with a group of friends. The rub there is, we rarely are able to all get together and do things. Some of us just don't want to (going out bothers them) and others are just super busy... And I don't have many friends that live locally (quite a few are on the east coast). I game with those guys to keep in touch, and message them constantly.

Essentially, I'm constantly alone.

This leads me to very dark places and I've had some serious bouts with suicidal urges. I would like to state that I've always come out on top and I know that I am in complete control. I just feel trapped.

What I do know about myself is I want someone to love, earnestly. I've had this desire since I was a boy. Fall in love and share my life with her. Find a partner and equal. Things being as they are, I know that will be an incredible challenge. I don't put up with a lot of the poor behavior that my society tolerates with women (note that I am not saying I'm an angel or perfect), such as narcissism, poor impulse control, and inability to take anything seriously (especially their physical health). That's entirely on me, but I don't think I should necessarily compromise there.

I apologize if this is jumbled and more of a 'stream of consciousness' post, but I can feel myself sliding into another ravine and I just need to figure out a way out. Before, I would simply try and put on a stoic front and grind through but I realize I'm not getting any younger and I need to fix things.

And I can't help my friends, or anyone, if I cannot first help myself.

If this is inappropriate for this sub, I understand and respect this thread's deletion. It just seemed like this was a good place to try and reach out and communicate. It seems safer than attempting to utilize my actual social circles... I know how this sort of weakness makes people think of you.