Would you like to fry the hamster of your next target? Make her furiously hammer texts out to the yentas to come up with her next move? Laugh in her face when that next move is deftly handled by yours truly?

Then identify a girl's game techniques in your interactions with them and be amazed at the results!

Fishing for Compliments

Her: I'm too skinny for a boyfriend. Most guys think I'm anorexic.

You: Appropriate use of fishing for compliments! 8/10 would use again!

Trying to get you on a group date instead of a 1-on-1

Her: I forgot it's my friend's going away party tonight at X. Would you like to meet me there?

Me: ...you expect me to believe that?

Her: Huh?

Me: Ok who put you up to this?

Flaking

Her: I'm sorry I can't make it tonight. I've come down with the flu.

Me: Average flake excuse. Only 6/10. Won't ask out again.

Last-Minute Resistance

Her: I don't know if we should do this.

Me: Good idea. I wouldn't want my friends to think I'm a slut, either. We just met. How about a game of Monopoly?

Waiting Forever to Text Back

Me: hey you lunch on weds?

Her: (one day later) sure what time

Me: the longer a girl waits to text back the more in love with the guy she is. it is known. i love you too. but i think we should see other people.

Yelling/Bloviating/General Whining

Her: YOU NEVER DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!

Me: SOMETHING IN ALL CAPS!!

Shit Tests

Her: Does that work on all the girls?

Me: Does you giving me shit work on all the guys?

Cockblocking

Her: You're not taking my friend home tonight.

Me: [place empty Solo cup upside down on her head] I now pronounce you Queen Cockblock!

Flirting Techniques

Her: [tosses hair] Well, I'd love a drink!

Me: Stop flipping your hair to get my attention. It's distracting me.

Spying on You

Her: [furious, holding your unlocked phone] Who the fuck is Brandi S?

Me: Thanks for reminding me to change my iPhone password, stalker!

Her: You didn't answer my question.

Me: [whistling sound] Penalty! Further encroachments merit demotion from stalker to crazy ex-girlfriend!

Continued denials of your requests for condom-free intercourse

Her: I'd just feel more comfortable with it on.

Me: [sheepishly] Oh, I see. So you're saying you don't think we have a future together?

Her: What is that supposed to mean?!/Huh?!/I didn't say that!

Me: [putting clothes back on] It's cool. I was coming down with a headache anyway.

Not-So-Subtle Attempts to Hint at Marriage

Me: ... and that's where I see myself in 20 years.

Her: I hope I still know you when that happens, so I can say remember when!

Me: Whoa there you already see us getting married? Slow down, tiger!