Telling men that "improving" their "personality" will improve their romantic and sexual results is like telling a politician or a company that honesty and quality will get them success

19 points78 commentssubmitted by constant_variable_ to r/PurplePillDebate

becoming a "better person" does not improve your dating.
even something that may seem as obvious as "if you're depressed, you need to go to therapy to fix it to improve dating" is wrong.

for many men being depressed, alcoholics, and having rage towards others and self issues end up being bonuses for their romantic and sexual life. but, they pass the attractiveness thresholds and they meet someone who's got red cross syndrome or equivalent.

addiction? lots of addicts have lots of relationships and lots of sex. and they even do in rehab and anti-addiction groups such as the bad, unscientific religion-selling AAs!

men who are scumbags, evil, psycopaths, and have no morals and little or no empathy get rewarded in many ways: they can hit on countless women without feeling too much for rejections and they don't feel bad whenever they do something wrong or hurt someone physically or psychologically or do inappropriate things. they also get more money, more power, more prestige which boosts their success in dating.

you can find online videos of men that are so very drunk and the women around them try to feel them and kiss them and hug them and flirt with them, and they fail because he's too drunk.

you think that being a nazi would be bad enough. but obviously lots of women dated, married and breeded with nazis. and that is bad enough. (also, " The organization was founded by Max Naumann, who was sent to a concentration camp after the rise of Hitler.")

but what if I told you that also lots of women who were part of countries on the receiving end of nazi invasion also got with them so much that in a short time span they managed to make plenty of children?

improving your open-mindedness, improving your empathy, improving your philosophy, improving your knowledge of logical fallacies, improving how you treat others, learning to respect others, getting rid of prejudices and racism, improving your science knowledge and technical knowledge both theoretical and practical will not improve your dating life, and often will hurt it. if the everywhere-spouted claims that claim the opposite were true, bigot and racist parties would have no voters and no candidates.
Men who have high IQ and trained minds and are able to see everything from a multitude of angles and see complexities and can understand other people's povs and can predict a lot of dangers and things to account for are the opposite of attractive, they are repulsive to women, and also have poor social lives. People don't want that, they want bold optimistic promises, no predicting dangers, and no accounting for others beyond their in-group. They want simple solutions, fast, explained very basically.

Telling men to "improve" to improve in dating is like telling a politician to improve their vocabulary to get more votes. Guess what? The reality is that Berlusconi success was also due to having told his men and campaigners to use a middle school level language and to speak to . Trump used an elementary school level language and won.

Not to mention that the fundamentals of one's "personality" cannot be changed. There is no cure for autism, adhd, OCD, schizophrenia, only management tools, just like there's no treatment for psycopaths, and all attempts at doing so only resulted in still-a-psycopath but with more tools to camouflage and therefore keep doing horrible things. And the more an autistic person masks, the higher statistically is their suicide risk. One's childhood cannot be rewritten, and one's experience in critical infancy age with parents and socialization cannot be rewritten.

"Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man. Depending on who you ask, this quote is either a Jesuit motto or a statement attributed to Aristotle"

Therapy may help you reduce and manage some of the anxiety that your parents passed on to you (possibly even on a epigenetic , physically inherited level )
, but you'll never become a person who doesn't suffer from it. Of course if it's something that cripples your life, it may affect your romantic life if it causes you to never go out or to have meltdowns. If you're schizophrenic and the closet tells you to not go out and you follow the instructions, you won't meet anyone. So in some specific situations medical help may improve your odds.

The only "self-improvement" that helps in dating is in looks, money-prestige-power, and social life.
"becoming a better person" not only doesn't help, it can very much make one perform worse in dating.
And calling "self-improvement" to spend time, effort, physical and mental pain and money to look more attractive is an improvement of one's dating life, but I find impossible to call it improvement of one's self. Same goes for sacrificing your life for "improving" work and money.