Strategy: Switching the relationship dynamic to having your needs met. The "Last Resort Strategy"

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2014-02-03T08:43:57+00:00

Variation A

You can showcase your dedication, loyalty, and perseverance towards the relationship.
- This is great if you want to live knowing that you tried one last time.
Time wise it is not too fast, it gives her time to transition into a different dynamic.
Extremely socially acceptable.

Understand your short term and long term needs.
- Your needs will include what you need her not to do.

Tell her that you need to talk to her about something that is extremely important.
- Give absolutely no indication of what it's about.
  - This will let her mind run rampant in search of what could be wrong. You want those thoughts to be fresh on her mind when you have the talk.
Set meeting to happen soon.
- This will give time for the severity of the situation to sink in to some degree.
- Set the meeting to happen on a day and at a time that is good for the both of you.
  - Any required functions such as work should not be cancelled. Any non-required functions like going out or seeing friends should be cancelled for this meeting.
    - Do not deviate. Cancelling non-required functions sets in stone the importance of the meeting. You are setting the frame. You and how you are feeling are more important than the non-required functions.
- I would personally say that setting the meeting in 2-3 days would be ideal, no longer than 5 days.
  - Waiting too long makes it seem as if it's unimportant. The emotional feelings / thoughts on her mind may fade after 5 days.
    - You also need to survive for these days. Longer = more potential problems.
  - Too short of a time and it may not be enough time for her to properly process what's going on or transition into the frame you are setting
    - The frame you are setting is her mindset that you need to talk to her, you are a rock, and you will talk to her on your terms for the both of you. That mindset needs time to sink in.

Either A) Stay and proceed as usual until the meeting date.
- You've already lived/taken it for so long, what's 2-3 more days.
  - Consider not being phased by her, or act as if you're not phased by her.
Or B) Leave temporarily until the meeting date.

Find 3-6 good pictures of yourself. Write a short description of yourself. These will be for dating sites.
- You'll be at a point where it will be a matter of an hour before you can have a couple of profiles up.
Start spending more time with friends.
Go to the gym more often.
Set a diet plan. Can't go wrong going paleo.
If you are married there is a lot you can do
- See a lawyer

You need to talk to her for a period of time to get a message through to her.
All variables other than the two of you talking exclusively must be minimized.
- You must have a couple of hours to talk comfortably.
  - Eliminate any distractions that both of you are responsible for like taking care of kids. Arrange for them to be taken care of. Have all plans cancelled for that evening, etc.
- Make sure you are both fed and hydrated so that the talk won't be cut short because of hunger or thirst.
- Remove any electronic form of distraction like cell phones, laptops, and computers.
- Remove any other potential distractions.
Option A) Romantic dinner between both of you at home. Cook her favorite food. Or a romantic walk at a place of significance.
- If you take this option, you must start off by building huge affection

The purpose of the talk is to define where she stands, where you stand, and to provide an outline for your needs.
- No talking about money, kids, friends, or anything other than you and your needs.
- No talking about her needs.
You can start off by building affection from her side. Tell her all of the positive that you think of her. Tell her how much you love her, etc.
You can follow up by telling her what you honestly think of yourself. Your successes, your shortfalls.
Now you can tell her what you need as a man. And you can tell her how she can satisfy your needs.
- State that what you are going to talk about is of critical importance and you are making a very big change
  - This will solidify in her mind what she was thinking for the past couple of days, that you are unsatisfied, and you are taking action to correct that.

Title	Strategy: Switching the relationship dynamic to having your needs met. The "Last Resort Strategy"
Author	YouDislikeMyOpinion
Upvotes	13
Comments	1
Date	February 3, 2014 8:43 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/AlreadyRed
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AlreadyRed/comments/1wvp7m/strategy_switching_the_relationship_dynamic_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AlreadyRed/strategy-switching-the-relationship-dynamic-to.1124368 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124368