Why should I keep being "nice guy" and how do I stop?

RacelessSexlessName · 2022-04-21T04:29:47+00:00

Spend a summer on a farm or ranch as a general hand. You'll be surprised what you'll learn.

EsraYmssik · 2022-04-21T09:41:28+00:00

[people] tend to abuse my politeness and agreeableness

Two issues I see that you might like to consider:

Being polite does NOT equal being submissive. Courtesy means treating others well, not allowing others to walk over you. Learning to be more assertive, to set boundaries, and to define and hold to standards, are worthy goals. Beware you don't go too far the other way to douchiness, however.
Now this may well be projection on my part, however, I worry that when you say "abuse my politeness" you might mean is "not instantly repay my kindness". That's not politeness, that's transactional niceness. At its worst, it's the 'niceguy' attitude of "I was 'nice' to this girl, now I'm gonna be angry she won't let me do Teh Sex to her".

I'm not saying point 2 applies to you at all, let alone the worst case I described, but perhaps you could ask yourself if your courtesy is actual menners or just an attempt to place obligations on people. It's not a question that requires an answer here, just something to consider.

That said, people do notice (and appreciate) courtesy.

Ok_Ad1857 · 2022-04-21T17:27:35+00:00

Steer clear of modern women and find someone who respects you as a man.

SpongeBrainz · 2022-04-21T21:33:58+00:00

My partner was raised by women and his dad walked out on him when he was a toddler... He's very polite, a gentleman, loyal, helpful and understanding. But he wasn't that great at being assertive, standing up for himself and didn't handle rejection very well. I think that's where it's important to have a father figure? I'm only a woman, but my dad played some very important roles in my life - that's how I'm able to handle rejection and somewhat stick up for myself and knowing how to handle things calmly.

He's told me some embarrassing stories of coming across as a "nice guy" and yeah, it was abit cringy and alarming.

But here's the thing, not everyone is going to like your politeness, which beats me? Because I always wanted a man with same level of politeness as me (I've always dated jerks, I know silly me). I didn't reject him, I love the attention I get from him and seeing him so happy that he can just be himself around me. Some ladies might find it extremely overwhelming, but I love it and cherish it. Because I know he's 100% invested in me as much as I am to him. Never ever had that in my life!

Honestly, do not change your politeness, you just need to be abit more assertive and learn to handle rejection. (There's other comments that explain that better) The right lady will love you for who you are. After my partner and I started dating - he's now skyrocketing through life, he's more assertive and doesn't take shit from his bosses/co-workers anymore. He's even been offered a job to be his own boss as an engineer. All because I was there for him and helped him. I'm glad other women rejected him, because he probably wouldn't have gotten this far and get the attention he deserves.

This world is full of hateful and rude people, we need more kind and beautifully hearted people in this world.

ThePigmanAgain · 2022-04-21T21:37:37+00:00

Continue to be polite but in a cold and non-compliant way. "I'm very sorry, madam, but i have a hernia and hence cannot move your fridge for you." That kind of thing. Or, if you really want to scare them off, you can say "I'm sorry, madam, but i cannot move your fridge for you as i am too tired from beating my wife."

Reddit1984Censorship · 2022-04-21T08:52:28+00:00

Realize that your attention is your private property and they need to earn access to it.
They are steping over you because you are giving away your attention like it is free (because you were taught to do it).
A man giving away his attention for fere is the equivalent of a woman givign her body away for free.

Aligatorz · 2022-04-23T23:21:54+00:00

First of all, don't ever refer to yourself as a ''nice guy'' these days. People will assume all sorts of negative things about you, because our society has forever online brains and they think through memes . People associate ''nice guy'' with the guy being manipulative, fake, and only looking for sex. This is not always true, but its the meme so thats what they think now.

One thing you should not change about yourself is being kind and selfless. I think these are good qualities, especially for a long term relationship. The world needs more people like that. Dont let shitty people change who you are.

With that said, its good that you want to start standing up for yourself. I know the feeling. You just have to work on speaking out little by little. Start small and work your way up.

It doesn't have to be hard. If something bothers you, just say simple things like ''thats annoying'', ''I don't agree with that'' , ''Sorry I cant do that..'' etc. Don't worry about the other person's feelings. Dont worry how awkward it might sound. Don't worry about anything. Just speak your mind. The more you speak up for yourself / express yourself, the more it will be easy to do so. It really is that simple. Just take the initiative to start defending/ expressing yourself, and the rest will come naturally.

Title	Why should I keep being "nice guy" and how do I stop?
Author	DochevD
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	April 20, 2022 3:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/AntiFeminists
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/u7ysml/why_should_i_keep_being_nice_guy_and_how_do_i_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AntiFeminists/why-should-i-keep-being-nice-guy-and-how-do-i-stop.1111897 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111897

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