Can't forgive myself

Phlegon_of_Tralles · 2020-06-09T13:23:01+00:00

What work have you done to fix yourself? Read any books? Gone to therapy?

playerknowmore · 2020-06-09T14:37:25+00:00

You may want to consider posting this in SurvivingMyInfidelity sub Reddit also. Too many guys in this sub the shoe is on the other foot. With the exception they don't get as favorable custody agreements as you Ex.

Also there are more people who have had to forgive themselves in that sub. In my opinion you have been punished for your actions. You lost your wife, and and have limited access to your child. Show remorse, but don't expect to be pitied. Take responsibility for the destruction of your family; then individually put the energy to your wife and child to heal. Because I can't see how you can forgive yourself without at least attempting to help them heal. If your Ex wants nothing to do with you, or has moved on; put that energy into your child. Offer to watch your child to give her time to herself. If you see a need; offer!

I hope your realize that your next relationship will require protection. I could say boundaries, but it's more than that isn't it! You have to actively consciously keep yourself out of situations where something could happen. I learned before I married my wife that I could find other women, but I couldn't find a better woman for me; especially now that we have children.

MyNewNormal808 · 2020-06-09T18:02:26+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. I didn’t cheat but I didn’t put in the time into the marriage or family. Hindsight showed me what I could have done better. Therapy helped me a lot. Can’t go back into the past but I learned my lessons and become a better person now. Less angry, more accepting. STBXW will not take me back since she’s on her freedom song and celebrating. I just have to work my way through the mourning of the loss of the marriage and heal. In the meantime, I can still work hard to improve the relationship with my kids and strengthen my support network of friends and family and learn to enjoy life once again. Hang in there brother.

2020-06-09T21:29:03+00:00

It was a pretty lame thing to do to your family.

Have you apologized to them? If my wife did that for us it might be a start.

You also state 'YOU' can't get past it, well this whole situation has been all about you hasn't it? Your needs weren't being met so you stepped out. You could have done something different. Everyone who cheats could have done something different. You didn't and though there are circumstances where people can't it's mainly that they can't because they are cowards.

Perhaps it's just up to YOU to get over it at this point instead of burdening your family with your selfish issues. Saying you're sorry and then working to make it up to them is how you start doing that I guess. If my wife was feeling like you I don't know what I would say to her. I fought like hell for her over 16 years and most certainly the last few. Then she betrayed me and our family by starting to fuck some guy from high school (she's in her 50s for crying out loud). If she comes to me in the time frame you state and our children and I have lost our home because she wanted her half of the equity and I couldn't afford to buy her out I'm going to tell her to fuck off. At this point if there was a way for me to never speak to or see her again I would take it. She's a toxic demon who only serves to make mine and our children's lives harder. They need their mom's love but she's terrible at showing it. She destroys us all with expectations we can't live up to. My rant is more about her than you but that's what they are dealing with dude.

I appreciate you're willingness to admit fault to an anonymous group on the internet. Apologize to your family, or EX Family I guess. Then go be the best damned Dad ever and petition for 50/50 custody. Pay the spousal support you owe her if you do. Be kind and generous and show that woman some compassion and figure out what EMPATHY looks like and then see how you can feel it for your family.

2020-06-09T14:16:57+00:00

Google "radical acceptance." You're welcome.

Title	Can't forgive myself
Author	randystevens
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	June 9, 2020 1:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gzmxpv/cant_forgive_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-forgive-myself.818167 https://theredarchive.com/post/818167

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