I have been married for over 5 years, together for 10. I have not been a perfect partner. It took a long time for both of us to find our way to fulfilling career paths. I recently finished a second advanced degree to get there. I also have a child from a previous relationship with a child support payment.

Needless to say, we have very little in the way of liquid assets, most are tied up in our cars and equity in our home. I cashed out most of my retirement from a previous career to float us through this year while in school. When we bought our home, I knew we could not afford it. In order to get by I racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt to maintain the lifestyle she expected.

We recently went on a plan to pay off our credit and sell out home for the equity and downsize. I never told her about how bad the state of our finances ended up. I also did not come clean about my limited revenue streams and income over the years. It's all collapsed around us and she asked for a divorce.

I did not treat her as well as I should have in the marriage, in many cases unkindly in my words. She asked for a divorce a few months ago and I asked for a second chance . I entered therapy and completely changed my approach to our relationship. Things got better until we hit another financial wall. Last week we were talking about growing our family, looked at houses to buy, and made plans for the future. That was Saturday.

We hit a financial crisis moment on Sunday (car trouble) and she told me she wanted a divorce in no uncertain terms. I completely broke down. I took a step back and told her I would accept any decision she made. I fully came to terms with what would happen going forward.

She says she cannot trust me and cannot stand to be around me anymore. We have two beautiful girls and my son. I want to continue therapy and improve the relationship, but she cannot look beyond the past. She will not consent to couples counseling because of her anger.

Now she's saying she's not sure she is making the best decision and wants the weekend to talk to my mother and some friends before fully committing. We share a home and don't have money for attorneys, so I don't know what she's planning to do.

I cried. I rationalized. I accepted. And now she's walking it back. I told her I wanted to continue the relationship and would take any necessary steps to keep our family together. Last night she let me share our bed (sleep only). Tonight she said we're probably going to split.

I have no idea what's happening and how I should prepare. This rollercoaster is negatively impacting my mental health and work. She wants space, but it's hard still living together. I want to communicate to come up with a plan, but she's shut that down. How do I handle this? How can I wait this out with a sliver of hope when all signs point to divorcing? It feels like she's leading me on because she's afraid to tell her parents and other people in her life. I was good, but am in a downward spiral.

Tl;dr Lied about finances and racked up debt. Wife told me she wants a divorce but sending very mixed messages. Having trouble with the back and forth, up and down.