We had our first marriage counseling session last night. It went 2.5 hours.

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It wasn't anything I didn't expect. The shrink asked about our relationship, childhoods, and all that stuff. The big takeaway from our first session is I should lie to my wife more and when she manages to feel good about herself we might start having sex again.

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Maybe you guys can explain this shit to me. I value appearance, attractiveness and honesty, apparently that makes me an asshole. I told my wife this ten years ago when we first started dating, I don't want to end up trapped in a marriage to a fat sloppy wife. I'd seen it happen to my friends and how miserable it made them and how many marriages ended because he started getting sex elsewhere. Why am I expected to lie to my wife and tell her she looks beautiful when she's wearing sweatpants and a hoodie? This came up and the shrink said that I should be able to tell my wife she's beautiful no mater what she looks like. I don't think she understands what beauty is. It seems rather than face the reality that a middle-aged, slightly overweight woman might need to put in a little effort to be beautiful they want to alter the definition and make it mean whatever suits their mood. If you don't care what you look like enough to ignore weight gain and dress sloppily why are you fixated on being called beautiful?