Foiled a plot...

alexfromouterspace · 2020-11-27T02:16:25+00:00

She's sorry she got caught.

PB_an_J · 2020-11-27T09:40:37+00:00

Your wife is as big a pos as her husband. Open your eyes and lawyer up like it was yesterday.

mjladieman · 2020-11-27T04:13:37+00:00

Who is the biggest financial provider?

EyesOpened50 · 2020-11-27T10:14:40+00:00

Sorry you've joined the club nobody wants to be in!! With regard to any advice - take what you need and ignore the rest!!

You have a long road ahead either way, if you stay together or divorce - trauma / infidelity is the gift that never stops giving!! The best advice is to make sure you have enough information so you can always make an informed decision, you wife at the moment is full of regret at getting caught - she needs individual counselling to address the issues, was it a one time event as you sound uncertain!! Remember - she has shown you who she really is / capable of, the hard part is that you've got to believe it!!

Have a look on survivinginfidelity.com - lots of forums like here but also, the healing lounge, which is full of articles to read. Read them all and use the ones that suit your situation, maybe print them off and discuss with your wife, see her reaction - this is when you will know what she's made of as it's all about actions now, not just words!!

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/articles.asp

Get legal advice ASAP, know where you stand both now and in the future, can you do a 'post-nup' to protect yourself until she regains your trust / respect / love - now is the time to restructure your marriage before taking it forward again. Unless there are major changes, boundaries, open and honest conversations - it will not work out as resentment will just build until it blows up. Both get individual counselling then once a bit further forward have marriage counselling - do you both work, who's the major earner.

Lastly; Order two copies of 'Not Just Friends' by Shirley Glass - read together and discuss! This will open up discussions on relationships, gives perspective and insightful information. You also need to look after yourself, which is part of the recovery either way - lots of exercise and I mean lots as it will help you both physically and emotionally, lots of water and good food - keep away from junk and alcohol as you need to be fighting fit and on game! Keep posting, people are here to help - been there and got the T Shirt but only wish I'd had some decent advice as being stuck in limbo is a drain but at least I've a plan to get out!!

Puzzleheaded_Hold_93 · 2020-11-27T12:27:50+00:00

Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's why treason was historically a capital offense. Get a lawyer and prepare your case. Then spring it on her when she's not prepared. Get the money in order. Document everything you do as a father, etc. Then fight for 50/50 custody and be done with the whore.

quegian · 2020-11-27T02:40:56+00:00

My personal belief is to try every Avenue to save your family. But it takes two people who want to create a marriage. You can always divorce. But I would lay down the law as to what conditions she can remain in the house, counseling, shared cellphone, social media etc. if she can’t bend over backwards to make the marriage work, it’s done. I’m sorry.

Your kids are worth giving everything you can to make a good marriage.

divorcethrowaway672 · 2020-11-28T02:33:59+00:00

Because you have two young kids, I would at least attempt to reconcile with your wife, but at the same time you should prepare yourself in case you need to divorce.

My (now ex) wife had a short affair with a younger unemployed man which I discovered. She broke it off, we reconciled, but then 3 years later she started an even more sordid affair with another married man with children younger than ours.

Marriage counseling and individual therapy esp. for your wife would help, because what I found is I was clueless why someone would cheat on their spouse when everything seemed happy at home. I've learned since that affairs have a very powerful attraction once someone gets sucked into them, and after they break it off, they are like a drug user suffering withdrawal. My ex told me that she impulsively started her 2nd affair because she missed those powerful feelings from the 1st affair. At least in my case, it had nothing to do with the men, who were both affair downs. It was some deep emotional need within her. In therapy, they can try to get to the core of why she is unhappy.

I'm saying all this because I offered to goto counseling with my wife, but she refused. Instead, we just talked it out ourselves and with some family members, but what happened is she just pretended to reconcile with me; Inside, she was still unhappy, but I didn't know until I uncovered her 2nd affair. But by that time, it was too late, so I filed for divorce.

Even though you caught the affair before it got physical, there was already an emotional affair going on, which could lead to even more powerful feelings since the affair wasn't consummated because of your discovery. If the AP is getting dumped by his wife, that means he could still pursue your wife if she is receptive. I guess that will be the first test to see if she really regrets the affair and wants to repair your marriage.

Title	Foiled a plot...
Author	means-2end
Upvotes	16
Comments	35
Date	November 27, 2020 2:08 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/k1sb0o/foiled_a_plot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/foiled-a-plot.817725 https://theredarchive.com/post/817725

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