Give me some perspective please

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-05-29T06:14:35+00:00

Hey there, brother. First of all, thank you for your service.
That feeling of invisibility when you put so much effort in, I think, is one of the most degrading things in the world. As men, we feel all we have to do is do more, we will be seen, and that leads down a deep spiral.
I'd like to acknowledge a couple of things that you said here, not because of what you're saying but because of how it's framed. "Yes, I know it sounds extreme, but I swear this is the case." - You're apologising for what's happening to you, which is extraordinarily common for people in abusive relationships.
"Fighting Dirty" - You would only be fighting dirty if you were inciting the violence against you, which, from the sound of it, you are not. You are recording what is happening. These two things are extremely different, both morally and legally. If you have been struck or threatened, you have been abused.
That voice in your head that's telling you you sound extreme, that voice is what is keeping you in this relationship and keeping you unhappy.
From the sounds of this, you're an incredible father and a caring partner. Don't you think you deserve the same?
Here if you want to chat.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-05-29T02:01:42+00:00

I don't know. Was a SAHD for a couple years and would give anything to have that back. Jeopardizing her career would be an ultimately stupid move, as you literally said one sentence before you couldn't finally survive without alimony and child support. This feels a lot like a vent from frustration. Can't you just emotionally separate from her, raise your kids on the farm and then dip out once they're old enough? Couldn't she force the sale of the farm if you divorced her?

This sounds just like a post from a SAHM, where she's feeling unappreciated and forced to do the lion's share of the work because her husband is out making money. She files for divorce, and ultimately regrets it years down the road. As a guy, you'll have a brighter outlook after divorce, most likely, but don't be so quick to toss away what you have.

Do you ask her about her day? Do you understand the stresses she's under? Does she come home to an attitude? Change your behavior toward her, first. Take the risk that it won't be reciprocated. Give six months of your very best efforts as the most supportive husband you can possibly be - and if nothing is reciprocated or appreciated - revisit the divorce. In the meantime - a divorce lawyer will probably tell you to divorce, because that's what they do and how they make money - they're not there to give you life advice. A therapist would be a better first move. Just my two cents, brother.

Initial_Breath9215 · 2026-05-29T00:47:31+00:00

Was with mine for 13 years they can't unglue themselves to social media.

Title	Give me some perspective please
Author	Particular-Fish-9634
Upvotes	5
Comments	3
Date	May 28, 2026 8:06 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tqes84/give_me_some_perspective_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/give-me-some-perspective-please.1581519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581519

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