Going through the process

apatheticrancor · 2025-12-11T00:21:09+00:00

She recently sent me this text message, and I am not sure how to respond.

"I want to address a few concerns so we can co-parent more effectively. I need you to stop entering the house without notice. In August, you came into my bedroom drunk at 1 a.m. and woke me up, and you’ve also threatened to repossess my car if I refuse to pay you. These incidents have made me feel unsafe. Please notify me before entering the house at night.

Regarding the kids, I’m not comfortable leaving them in your care overnight right now. On Saturday night, they were left alone with the front door unlocked. I understand you were in the camper, but this is not acceptable. Since Lona often wakes during the night, that situation raised serious safety concerns that I want to prevent going forward.

My goal is for us to co-parent in a stable and predictable way for the kids. I’ve been requesting a set schedule for the past four months. I will send you my proposed schedule by 5pm on Friday. Please choose which communication platform you prefer (Talking Parents or Our Family Wizard) so we can keep communication clear and consistent.

Thank you for addressing these issues."

For context, I have been sleeping in a camper in the driveway since separation with no water or sewage hookups. The incident about entering her room at 1 am was because I was retrieving some personal items from my dresser in that room. "Threatening to repossess her car" , I asked her to start paying her own car payment and part of the household living expenses since she has a full time job and she refused. And finally, I was wide awake in the camper when she came home that night Saturday night, no further that 30 feet from my children . I am inclined to move back in the house, but the camper is a more comfortable option than sleeping on the couch and provides me with some semblance of privacy.

apatheticrancor · 2025-11-26T06:11:57+00:00

I served my friend's wife papers yesterday. She was about to take all four of his kids to the Arizona against his will while simultaneously demanding he pay for the move. The reaction from my estranged wife, while not surprising, was telling. The control over our lives that they have held seems like a drug that they can't quite kick. They want the relationship to be over, but still think they can compel us to act against our rights and interests or step aside when they do. The idea of equal agency, that both voices have equal weight in this process is disgusting to her. My future ex literally texted him calling him a disgusting person. For what? For asserting his rights? For acting in the best interests of his four kids who didn't want to leave their father, their friends, their lives? The reaction to that is what is truly disgusting. The dehumanization, the disregard for reality in favor of an ego driven fantasy. Seeing this side of people we once loved unconditionally makes me sick.

apatheticrancor · 2025-11-21T01:53:00+00:00

Took the first step of separating finances. Got my own cell phone account for the first time in 10 years and got my number moved over. She says she is buying her own car amd will give me back the new forester we bought 2 years ago, I have my doubts. If it does happen though, I'm trading that and my car in on something I can comfortably haul the kids around in.

apatheticrancor · 2025-11-20T03:15:11+00:00

She just got home while I was getting the children to bed. She saw that I paid the court the filing fee out of our joint account. (I wasn't trying to hide it) and she came back full of piss and vinegar. She tried to tell me the UCMJ says I have to pay her $6600/month. I know that isn't true, at all. She has been dragging me on Facebook all week, trying to tell people I am not engaged with our kids. I just don't understand why this has to be nasty. Neither of us wants to be in this relationship, we both love our kids, why can't we just be adults?

apatheticrancor · 2025-11-18T23:43:51+00:00

Went ahead and filed. The folks at the San Diego Central Courthouse family law facilitator office were great. They went over what I had, refilled out new papers and had me sign. Previously, I had gone to the East County courthouse and got the run around. Definitely go to the Central Courthouse if you are in San Diego County. It turns out, another military friend of mine who lives in the next town over is at this same exact step in this process. Not only did I get this done, I have someone to go through this process with. It was a good day. I also told her that she needs to start paying for her car, our HELOC loan, and her own credit card.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-11-18T17:23:45+00:00

First, do not move out. Second, you better be extremely careful being active duty military.

All it takes is for her to go cry to your Commander and then he can issue some temporary BS orders.

I highly recommend you go talk to your JAG and make sure you're doing everything by the book.

I served for 26 years, married for 20 of those. She ended up getting 32% of my retirement even though she got caught cheating. Imagine that.

So just be prepared for the long fight. Protect yourself and at least get legally separated for now.

That_Cup_3858 · 2025-11-18T16:27:56+00:00

My opinion if you are 100% sure of this file. Does she know it’s coming? Once she gets the papers the whole mediator thing might go out the window. It’s financial war after that.

Title	Going through the process
Author	apatheticrancor
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	November 18, 2025 3:39 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p0f5zg/going_through_the_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/going-through-the-process.1566797 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566797

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