40 years old, about to go through 2nd divorce. Im mega banged up. 2 young kids 4 and 1. Im so fucked up about this. Thought id found my best friend. Im deeply flawed, i own my shit. I think one of the worst parts is that i havent been moved out of my place for 24 hours yet and ive been fucking erased completely. All pictures gone. I know this is stupid but she already changed her name and marital status on facebook. Found out from a friend. I had my sister change my password and not give it to me. I cant deal with that right now. Ive got a lot of growing to do personally. Have never lived on my own without a partner. I know this will ultimately benefit my life but son of a bitch im struggling. Im basically homeless. Im blessed with good friends that are letting me couch surf. Im still paying for the apartment her and my children live in because i want to make sure they are okay and can stay there. She only works part time. If she worked full time she wouldnt even be able to cover childcare so that doesnt make sense to do that and both of us would prefer to have parents raise them instead of a stranger. Its terrifying. I thought i dealt with my shit years ago but i just buried it. Started dealing with it in therapy and it ripped me wide open. Its a tough, albeit necessary pill to swallow. Ive got a few mental issues. Severe anxiety among them. Diagnosed by a doc im not just saying it. It feels like the worlds ending and i feel worthless. Im sorry for whining folks, just fucking lost. I make "too much money" for there to be any kind of assistance. If theres anyone in the portsmouth nh area that is going through similar stuff id be tickled pink. I need someone i can talk to whom im not paying to be my bud for an hour at a time (therapist, sex workers arent my jam) Hiking fishing gaming whatever. It matters not, tater tot. Love my friends i grew up with, their my brothers and i hate to say it, but i need to be around different people. I know this is something i have to deal with on my own but having a battle buddy would sure make this less painful. If youve made it this far im impressed and grateful.