6 years ago I met this wonderful girl that I prayed to God for. She was perfect and before I met her I had a past of being with a lot of girls. She accepted me for all my flaws. She was just getting out of a situation ship and I told her I’d never hurt her. I was 19 and she was 18 fresh in college. She only had 1 best friend and the people who she thought was her friends betrayed her. She always felt like she didn’t matter to people. She has anxiety. But the more we spent time together the more it became love. We couldn’t never leave each other side. About 4 months in I started going back to my old ways of lying and cheating. Idk what my problem is. I truly do love her but I just wanted other girls I guess. She found out about everything Bc she was always going through my phone and forgave me every time. I was always a mess trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life since I had dropped out of college early and just was working going from job to job. But she comes from a loving family who also loved me and I wanted to be better for her but I just couldn’t be. I’m not a big social media person and I’m shy and don’t like interacting in public so in 2020 I propose to her in our bedroom she said yes but I kept it a secret from my family for awhile Bc I felt like they would be disappointed with me getting married early. In 2021 she got pregnant. Her family made us push the wedding before the baby got here. In my mind I didn’t want to get married Bc I was still doing bad things but knew I couldn’t leave my family. Also I started going to school that year and she was the only one working to support us.so we got married at our house since it was rushed. She always said she wanted to have an actual wedding but I always pushed it off and never had any plans to do it. She bought a dress and everything. So our baby was born and it was hard at first . But we got used to it and tried to make time for each other to do couple things and stuff. I was still always texting girls basically living a secret life. I thought she would always be with me even if she found out Bc I didn’t think she believed in divorce as a big Christian.Ialso told her mean things while arguing saying when I get done with school we’re getting a divorce, etc. I said it multiple times. One night in April this year I told her that again and she wanted to try to fix it with counseling and I declined. She says that’s when she was done . This year in May I got done with school and I thought everything was fine and I found a job in June making decent money. I was ready to be a happy family and livng the dream life we always talked about. Then she told me she was unhappy Bc the way I cheated in the past and how I treated her and the things I said about divorce. So I left and realize this isn’t the life I want. I’ve tried for 2 months now to let her know I still want to be with her but she tells me she just wants to coparent. Doesn’t want me in her life unless it’s about the baby. I’ve been to therapy these last 2 months changing and been staying loyal and not texting anyone. She says she wants to move on and that she fell out of love with me and that it’s too late. I’ve been doing all the things she likes these 2 months and she still feels the same, she goes out and does things with her family and friends and seem to be enjoying life. I’m not looking for sympathy as this is all my fault but looking for guidance as to let her go I’ve hurt her to much and she’s finally telling her family the things I did. I miss her and it’s hard not to try to text her and she leaves me on read. She doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say. I found Jesus and got closer to him a he’s changing me. It sucks having to wait a full year while being separated for a divorce . I still want her and going to change myself but I need guidance on how to not beat myself over the pain I caused