Hey guys, I have posted in here previously. I will try to summarize things.

My wife and I are in our early 30s and have been together for over 10 years and married for a few. We don’t have any children but several pets who truly are family to us.

The last year or so has not been good for the marriage. We have been more distant and realizing that we want different things. I’m not a super intimate person and she’s learning that is something she desires badly.

Two months ago I caught her in a sexting affair with a coworker. The other guy is also married and has a newborn and the affair started as them complaining about their relationships and turned into a highly sexually charged sexting conversation for a week.

Initially when I caught her she definitely was sorry she was caught, not that she did it. It has taken some time but I do feel like she is genuinely taking accountability and is showing remorse now. She’s no contact with him now as well.

I feel like this affair peeled back the skin on a marriage that was falling apart. I’m realizing more and more how incompatible we are. I know the obvious suggestion here is divorce and I spend a lot of time thinking about it.

My struggle is just how hard this is to do… she messed up BAD but she’s not a terrible person. Yeah we have issues but I do love her and I genuinely feel guilty leaving her. I’m having a very hard time placing myself first here. Her family is a mess and most of our friends are mutual so I’m sure this will just be a bomb in regards to her friendships as well. I deeply care for this person but I just can’t see us having a healthy marriage.