I don’t know if divorce is the answer because everything is still very new and our son is 7 months. Got married relatively soon after meeting (engaged two years to the day) and it was red flags from day one.

I should have followed my instincts and ran earlier but I was still getting over the loss of my great love where I felt I should have fought harder to keep the relationship and had a lot of regret about it ending. Because of this I’ve tolerated way more than I would have ever in my marriage.

Out of all the women I’ve been with emotionally I made the worst decision I could have to marry the mother of our son. When we met she was a lawyer with a Mercedes in Miami who seemed driven and career oriented but I should have noticed she had no friends and only talked to her mom on the phone. When her mom died suddenly one month after the Caesarian it was like the bottom dropped out and now I am her only emotional punching bag. She has nobody else to talk to about her problems because she is emotionally labile (bipolar) and also is petrified to meet new people. Since we got married it’s only been me working, making 50k trying to support both of us. Of course she also has loans, completely irresponsible with finances, has debt collectors calling and she never picks up. She doesn’t seem interested in working at all, or making friends to help support since we don’t really know anyone in the state where we moved.

Since the wedding she’s put on 40-50 lbs and stopped caring for herself. I haven’t cheated but I’m desperate for any kind of physical connection. This has always been a very important part of my life (sex life) and I miss it badly.

She’s also abusive, constantly screaming at me for tiny infractions like not bringing her a coke with the meal I bring her home. She has a hair fuse. She does a good job raising the kid but has been completely unable to maintain the home (doesn’t cook or clean) while I’m doing my 80 hr/week job and hasn’t earned at all or contributed financially in 8 months. It doesn’t seem like she’s interested in finding one either because she is worried if she has to leave the house it will be a wash with child care. My job is incredibly stressful and I need somewhere peaceful and supportive I can come home to. I’m tempted to take a break, get my life together for my own sanity, and then come back once I’m out, our finances are settled and I know what’s going on with my kid but I know I can’t. If I leave it’s unlikely I’ll keep my spot and the opportunities for earning are incredible if I tough it out a couple of years.

Also I have no clue how this would work. I can only afford one mortgage/ rent payment and she can’t afford anything. Would I just move to a separate room and ignore her for a few months to give her time to get on her feet? Should I ask my mom to get an apartment in town so I can stay somewhere out of the house for my own sanity? Would leaving the house mean she gets part of the equity when we sell? Is it possible I could be forced to keep paying for her to live there?

I feel she will want to move back to Miami but this is a terrible option for her and the kid. It’s not like she has friends and her only family support is her dad who is an alcoholic who is probably going to jail for a 1-2 year stint in the next few months. I also worry she would just drive to Miami with my son and then I wouldn’t be able to see him (she has threatened this a few times).

Sorry for rambling but not sure what to do.