Need guidance/advice

EasyMode615 · 2019-03-10T21:15:00+00:00

If I were in your situation, I absolutely wouldn't have felt safe if I was walking into a meeting with your soon to be ex wife's (STBXW) family. The difference between me and you is that I wouldn't have been strong enough to stay away or ignore them - so great job!

Question though - are you absolutely sure the family came to take your kids out of state or was the restraining order a precaution? If it was a fact they were trying to do so, you did the right thing.

It'd be nice if a divorce is amicable but a divorce never truly is because feelings get hurt, it's an emotional situation and people rarely behave properly when emotional. With that said, if in fact your STBXW's side is trying to take the kids out of state and you've already filed a restraining order, you should get a lawyer. Even without the restraining order, both families are getting way too involved. The divorce does impact family and friends but they should not be directly involved with the divorce itself. Marriage and divorce is between 2 people. At the most, the kids would have a say because they're an extension of both you and your STBXW.

In addition to getting a lawyer, I would communicate to your own family not to intervene and get involved. You ask for their support but don't let them order you around. Tell them it's added stress and it's not the support you need.

Also, great job because you're thinking straight on this. You should be thinking for what's best for your kids. You or your wife trying to keep the kids away from the other parent is not what is best for them. Maybe this is where you can have a civil mediated conversation with your STBXW. Tell her the custody is temporary but you are willing to provide visits with guidelines such as you need to be there or her family can't be there (considering how they tried to take them out of state).

Lastly, not sure what else has occurred but always put yourself and the kids in the best situation. For example, document anything and everything that occurs relating to you, your wife and your kids. If you go to court for whatever reason, it'll be her word vs yours but yours is supported by documentation. Any interaction you have with your wife, have a 3rd party involved as a witness in case anything goes wrong.

Lastly x 2 - go to some counseling and get some for your kids or find an outlet to relieve stress.

1978_anon · 2019-03-10T22:12:50+00:00

They won’t be able to leave the state with your kids since you were granted sole temporary custody. Good job on keeping your kids in your house. If they do take your kids out of state they will be breaking the law, that is kidnapping. The court order makes all the difference. Follow up on every court date and get a lawyer. Make sure you go to court every court date. Good job on keeping your head straight throughout this ordeal. Don’t expect it to be civil. I don’t expect a mediator to work out in your case. Get through the process. A lot of divorces start out with both parents saying that they want what’s best for the kids. What they ultimately end up with is with one of the parents breaking that deal, going rogue and fighting in court to get revenge and inflict damage on the other parent. It’s very sad. The parent that starts fighting is the one that’s ultimately betraying the kids.

Theone305 · 2019-03-10T23:03:27+00:00

To update on some info. The reason for the divorce is because of I infidelity, nevr caught red handed but there was alot of things that didnt add up and another guy she spend the night with after we got in an argument but only says they talked the whole night, after my suspicion I looked into messages and call logs and you d they talked on the daily between times I was at work or away, and was able to find some text that were not just "friends" dialogue. I did talk to a lawyer and we will sign paperwork on wed and file first, she did let me know she will be getting one. And about them taking the kids I cant be %100 of that but I cant take the chance, specially when her grandad calls me up and start trying to intimidate me(hes the type that its his way no matter what). On another note she left the house because she didnt want to be around me, and now saying I kicked her out(even tho i have text proof that I wrote that she didnt have to leave and either i can sleep on the couch or her) and now the story is I kicked her out. I did also go to my parebts place for a couple of days after she left because it was hard being in the house with all the memories and I felt for my self sanity I needed to be out of there for a bit. I know this is alot of info again but I want to see if others agree with how im proceeding with this and I'm not just doing things because of bad feelings that are happening.

Title	Need guidance/advice
Author	Theone305
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	March 10, 2019 7:53 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/azjln4/need_guidanceadvice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-guidanceadvice.819715 https://theredarchive.com/post/819715

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