I forget how many months in I was, but I distinctly remember writing a to-do list, using the previous week's to-do list as the basic template, and coming to the realization that this list is not getting any shorter.

I was planning to do things.

I had lists and lists and lists in my head that needed to get done, but when I look back now, none of what I actually thought mattered, mattered.
It came down to five basic principles. It turned out that the thing that I was avoiding was going through the timeline, because it was just too hard at the time. If I had to go back to that point and give myself pointers, knowing what I know now, this is what that would look like:

Figure out how to self-regulate. It doesn't matter how much you do or where you put your energy. If you're operating from a dysregulated emotional system, you're going to make mistakes. I can guarantee it.

Go through it. Figure out exactly where you are. What does the current court order say? What is the current visitation? Word for word, what do each of those documents from the court say? Map the difference between what's stated in the documentation and what is actually happening. That is where your case lies.

Record everything. WhatsApp yourself. Buy yourself a notebook to journal in at the end of every day. It doesn't matter where, but you need to keep a record of everything:

  • Handovers
  • Messages
  • Agreements made
  • Agreements not met
  • Times when you haven't met agreements and the reasons for that 

All of it needs to be documented. If you don't think it's necessary, what if I told you that the other side is doing exactly that? How about now? You going to document it now?

For the love of God and all things holy, remove emotion from your communication. This is the biggest thing you can fix, and you MUST fix it now.

Budget. Figure out your numbers, Income, expenses, legal fees, potential alimony, real numbers, not what you think it's going to be. The fear of what you think it's going to be and what it really is, is worlds apart. Trust me, do it.

It doesn't matter what happened. You're in it now. If you want to start figuring out where it broke down, that can be done later, and the reason that you think it broke down is going to change constantly.

Sort out these five things, and your life is going to be significantly easier going forward. Trust.