hey guys. i recently separated with my wife. ive had issues in the past with substances. our relationship was amazing until it become toxic. i was using substances to cope every now and again which wore her down. i didnt know how to deal with my feelings at the time (ive been clean now for a while) - i feel like the love of my life slipped through my hands. we have a 2 year old son together. i still speak with him and her every day. we are amicable but about to go through mediation. i really wish i could go back in time and mend my part in this. there's lots of layers to it.. but ill only focus on my mistakes as thats all i can control. i also dont know deep down if she is for me - or if i just want to make it work for my son. my anxious, a mess, frazzled, and grieving. this is my first long term relationship. btw, im 30 years old (just turned) so i know i have my whole life ahead of me. we were married 2 years and together for 4. right now im focused on therapy, exercise. showing up and being the best dad i can be. i have tried 3 times to bring up couples therapy etc but she's stone walling me hard. to anyone else going through struggle, im here if you need to chat. we're not alone <3