Been with my soon to be ex wife for 14 years been married 6. When we first met I was 25 she was 23 she was a free spirit a great fun time down for whatever. In the begin the disrespect started after about 6 months into our relationship from binge drinking, emasculation, disrespectful in front of her friends and family I stuck thru it all thinking this is how u it is with all women just suck it up and things would get better. So many instances in our relationship were I should have left but I didnt instead I just would cheat on her. Fast forward i joined the military served got medboarded now retired 100%. Everything was great is what I thought. I was thinking now we can have everything we talked about. I got a house built, wine and dinner her, gave her money fixed her credit, etc. We move in and we start hitting the gym she ends up losing weight and looks amazing more amazing than she ever has in her life frfr. After about 3 months in the house I noticed she started acting diff, she dyed her hair, started dressing up more. Went through her phone and saw she had some guy blocked from her job. Confronted her and she said same shit all hoes say he my friend and the reason he blocked is cuz I didn't want him reaching out to me cuz these women all think we like each other....what!? She tells me I won't talk to him anymore blah blah. One day she goes out with friends and her friends are all connected with a old female friend of mine (long story).. when I was active duty my spouse got so drunk she tried to stab and kill me, she said I was raping her and called all kinds of racial slurs. During this time I was fucked up I reached out to an old friend in confidence and this bitch told the friend my wife is about to meet with. The friend tells my spouse about me talking my old friend about that day. Note that she stopped ringing after she tried to kill me which lasted 3 years. When she heard that she decided to get drunk and she called dude from her job and didn't come home till 6am she ignored my calls all night. Within that month we constantly fight she didn't gaf about anything. She claimed I was fucking that girl and that I been fucking all these women...also during this time when I was active duty I fucked these married lesbians one of the wives were in my unit. Anyway she found out about that from them randomly messaging me which is crazy. Basically that was her excuse to leave even though it was 3 years prior. She left and was fucking ole dude..note that this dude is fucking all the hoes at her job and she knows it. We separated and she explored her options so many times within that year she destroyed me from shit she would say and do, ghost me talk shit all types of shit. She ended up getting played by dude in the end and she went on to fuck 10 more guys within that year I'm sure theres more. Her name is on the deed so when the year ends she comes back and says all the same shit a bitch would say and I took her back but I did it with intentions to destroy her which I did mentally I cheated on her everyday basically let her see the shit I would say so much fucked up shit to her...so many physical alterations, screaming, damage to the new house. This shit lasted 2 years I was afraid of what to do I didn't wanna lose the house. I literally just beat a felony charge from her saying I choked her. Been having my lawyer for the last couple of years to I kept stopping it and resuming all these 2 years smh. End of this month is it I have tempory orders set and pretrial to divorce. Last year or so she has been a Christian faithful innocent smh but when she is mad she is her old self it's so fake. I don't sleep at night knowing all the shit she was doing and the reason I know is because I been a side dude multiple times especially in the separation. I ran thru so many women. All women are majorily the same. We have no kids. I'm 38 she is 36. I feel sad thinking about never seeing her again, I'm ashamed of my choices throughout our relationship from deciding to cheat to taking her back knowing she got ran thru. I've learned so much these 2 years I'm actually grateful this shit happened to me. Women don't care about what u have done for them in the past it's about now..they don't know what they want period....Im leaving out a lot of shit I just needed to vent to brothers that are goin thru similar shit