What About Me?

throwawaytoken12345 · 2019-12-06T20:32:55+00:00

If you don't have a therapist, get one. spend some time just venting. This process is hard and your feelings and experiences matter.

agincourthrowaway · 2019-12-06T20:41:51+00:00

I hear you on the being lost in a mountain range. I have 3 kids and am just beginning the process. But if it weren't for them, I would be out there too.

pakoffee · 2019-12-07T01:38:58+00:00

Speaking as a SINK but in the same situation, this is hard. As the others have said, go see a therapist. And, if you can, find a men's divorce support group or some kind of men's group to attend.

Why?

Because you don't understand yet. You have to vent, to complain, to bitch, to talk out options, to get input from other guys who survived. Then, you need someone to tell you that you will get through this whole mess. It won't be fun. It won't be easy. And it won't be quick. I am mentally there, but the physical situation is still a mess. Therefore, emotionally, I have found I am fragile. Sounds like you are too. So go get a tribe and "shaman" who understands. You will need them eventually. And what else can you do right now for the future anyway?

SUEDE2BLACK · 2019-12-07T03:25:28+00:00

Being strong no matter what is man's burden.Women have the pain of bearing children and having periods men have their crosses to carry.It might not be fair but life is not fair.

Do your best to fortify your mental and physical wellbeing.Be the best parent you can be and allow time to heal the wounds.

ackzlzk · 2019-12-20T05:12:09+00:00

“A good loyal husband” is hard to find. She was lucky to have you. Karmas a bitch..

throwawaytoken12345 · 2019-12-06T20:50:17+00:00

Don’t think People dismiss the fact that you are going through hell. That’s obvious to everyone who has ever experienced divorce, either as a spouse or as a child of divorce.

Everyone knows you’re in pain.

But adults realize that you two adults made various choices to be in the position of marriage and divorce. You got to pick your mate and had some part in the action of marriage and divorce. Being adult, it’s assumed you have a mature brain, and coping skills. What ever that means.

But be honest, to kids it’s a parent lottery. They didn’t choose their parents. They just got brought screaming into this world because two people had sex.

Kids didn’t choose this life. They didn’t chose for you to be their parents, with faults and strengths, rich or poor, race and religion. They just got stuck.

Now your kids are living through this cluster, not understanding what the heck happened. They are trying to figure out how to be a kid, alone, with their life support and people they trusted to always be together. Split forever. Where will I live? Who will be my friend, why does my body keep changing? Why did mom leave? Who is lying? How do fit into this world where I’m just forced to be I kid.

They have no adult experience or skills to know what their new world is going to look like.

So just understand. As much as you are struggling, you get to make choices, the kids face no choice or control of how this goes.. people have more empathy for the innocent kids

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Title	What About Me?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	44
Comments	13
Date	December 6, 2019 8:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/e73vor/what_about_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-about-me.1202252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1202252

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