I will try to reconstruct my early life, mine experience, and maybe find answers, you can always share your experience below or create similar post, i would be glad to know that we are not alone

My first teacher hated me

I don't really remember her, but my mom was always telling how awful she was treating me, she could throw all my items from table on the floor, or make me cry, or just in general say something bad about me in a class destroying my reputation, despite me doing nothing and just being a kid

Majority didn't care when i cried in public

There was one girl that i was sitting next to, she could make me cry as well, neither teacher or others really did something about it, i was the "silent kid", same girl after some years decided to hit me in the balls for shit and giggles, i fell from the pain and was lying for some minutes, everyone was just gathering up looking at me, until teacher helped me to get up

Depression.

When i was around 13 i started to feel lonely, it was getting bad after each day, i was crying almost every night.

to help me parents decided to sign me up to a shooting range classes, and to a psychologist, old age woman, that i dont think had any education whatsoever. But she was taking very high amount of money, about 5-10% of average wage here.

We were taking personality tests and me drawing stuff, but i was only thinking about ending myself at this point, she suggested i should find a girl, perhaps online, since i was feeling lonely

I talked to some girls online as she adviced, that i randomly found, but it ended pretty fast after some months, and i think it made me feel worse.

I started self harm.

We were still speaking about unmeaningful stuff with my psychologist, she were informed that i started self harm, she didn't say anything about going to the therapist instead, so i can get pills.

it was getting bad with each day as well, first my wrist was all covered in wounds, then my hand, i pretty much sure both teachers and schoolers, and everyone around me saw it, the only thing i remember is one kid at shooting range asked our supervisor: "What's wrong with his hand?".

So no one cared, or...?

It was so bad to the point that all my leg was covered in big cuts, one day i accidently removed my pants after i came from school, and my father asked me: "What is this?", he thought and said that i am broken, or that i am insane, there was no understanding but calling me names.

Mom on the other hand, was tired of seeing my wounds, and when she returned home one day, she noticed i had new ones, and she said that she does not understand how awful i can be and ungrateful, she beaten me up, i cant say heavily, just left some redness all over my body for hours.

Melting point.

Self harm was so bad i started straight up cutting chunks of my skin with scissors, i could see my bones because there was no flesh above it, bleeding was not stopping for a long time.

Near the end i just started planning on how i will end myself, i had a plan of walking to my friend home and jumping from 9th floor building, i could not sleep at night but just to dream about this, luckly i did not go to school that day, but i dont know if it matters and if i would really done that.

Recovery, (kind of)

Finally my mom was too consern all about this, and she came with me to the psychologist cabinet, so psychologist straight up asked me, am i threat to myself, and if i want to die

and i asnwered yes, that i am planning to do it. then i dont remember anything, only how i walked to therapist cabinet, because AD removed most of my memory.

After that and conclusion

The depression, or i dont know what this is (i dont think i was ever diagnosed officially with that), still repeated many times later in life, still had self harm but it was minor, i could not keep up with studying in college and ended up in kind of foster shelter, but for short time, until one of my parents picked me up, and life was kinda stable after all of this until war started.

I don't think teenage boys are recieveing help that they need so much, neither society give a damn about them.

school psychologist is just a name here and i saw her only 2 times for 9 years to take some memory tests, there is heavy pressure about failing exams and some boys even end themselves when they find out that they failed it, because you can only try 2 times in life. Where i live is in the top chart for teen sucide rates, and i felt why by myself