Am I on the right path?

forefatherrabbi · 2017-12-12T22:38:36+00:00

I don't know the right path.

What I know for me is that the path is not straight. takes lots of twists and turns. sometimes through happy meadows and sometimes through dark forests.

What did work for me when I was being anti-social was some consoling. If you go, you need to get a good connection. if you are not feeling a good connection with them, find someone else. Not every consoler is right for every person.

Next, doing dumb things (or at least things that don't sound fun at all). Most of the people I developed good bonds with are people I "suffered" with. Some friends from high school, some friends from work (and old jobs), some friends from college. Each group of people suffered with me differently; either in detention, doing our job, or the very boredom of going to college in rural America and having nothing to do except drive around because you did everything already last week.

I was put into a lot of situations with forced socialization. And it really helped. But at 21, that is less and less.

My recommendation (and I have no idea if it will work) is just start saying yes to stuff that just seems lame. If someone needs help moving, say yes. Need a ride to the airport, say yes. Drinks after work, say yes (even if you don't drink, have a coke and sit around). Anything really that gets people seeing you.

And don't feel bad if the first group of people you find to talk to and hang out with are not your type. they are just stepping stones until you find good friends.

Hera81 · 2017-12-14T09:49:45+00:00

I am very torn about this. On one hand, I am always trying to encourage myself to be more social...so I may sound like a total hypocrite when I say that it is totally okay to adopt the blackpill stance if someone feels more at peace with it.

Fact is, despite humans being social creatures that they are, we also have outliers. And so far (in my opinion), our treatments to those outliers have been very dismissive at best and very suspicious at worst.

I am thinking we should be more supportive. OP, if you feel that human to human interaction have always been disappointing for you in the past, there is nothing wrong with giving it up and looking for peace in solitude. If your financial matter is in order, maybe if you can even work from home or other remote location at some point in the near or far future, you'd be able to re-visit the thought of living in solitude more positively.

You have to be sure if this is what you really want though. Whether it is wrong or right, no one can answer that but you. If you are just living your life with detachment toward humanity, but hurting no one, what is so wrong about that?

CLMP491866 · 2017-12-20T14:01:46+00:00

My advice is to interact with as many people as you can in the real world, not over the internet. If you are doing well in your job and you are taking good care of yourself then you are certainly not failing. Comparing yourself to others who have more money/better social lives for instance is self defeating. I believe that social media has made us compare ourselves more. No disrespect to anyone who uses social media but there are a lot of people in the online world who aren't what they appear to be, they exaggerate their social status, post airbrushed photos etc. So getting out and interacting in the real world gives you a more realistic picture that we are all humans with various flaws.

NineGreys · 2018-02-20T22:34:59+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone well for you. It sounds like you've been up against a lot of things that you haven't felt well equipped for. That you're trying to explain yourself, ask for advice, and reassess your outlook speaks very well of you. You say that you're 21 and don't know what people your age even do. I can understand that. I was raised an only child, and hung around adults for all of my formative years. I only had one or two friends who were my age contemporaries. It can lead to a lot of insecurity and just not being sure how to fit in -- because everything you like doesn't seem to be "a thing" in the people around you. I'm a woman, if it matters, and 29 years old. I spent a lot of my adult life socially inhibited and to be honest, I'm still pretty hermitish, but after a lot of work I have a solid group of friends and a social life. I have a functional, healthy relationship of some years now, too, and my best advice to you would be the following...

First, understand that good and bad are subjective things. It is better to try and understand something as a whole, for all its constituent parts, than it is to try and sort things into piles, even though that's our natural instinct as humans.

Secondly is the hardest but most important part, because literally everything else will grow out of this: Know yourself. Knowing yourself will allow you to seek the kinds of attachments you want to create. It sounds like by isolating yourself and trying to internalise nihilism, that's what you've been trying to do. However, by posting here, I would say that it probably doesn't feel like it's working very well for you.

Don't worry so much about what "other people" like, what "people your age" like... What do YOU like? Who are YOU? Really ruminate on that, and once you understand, seek out communities based on those things. The value of interacting with people with like minds cannot be overstated.

I moved to the UK just shortly after I turned 20, to be with a guy I'd met on the Internet (we'd known each other since we were 14.) He was very socially stunted himself and had no friends of his own - I had just come to a new country with no family and no friends by my side, either. So I had to make my own, and being very introverted it was a difficult path. Years elapsed without meaningful connections and my relationship began to fall apart. I went to the local comic book shop. I asked the lady behind the counter if there was a board up where customers could post ads looking for Dungeons & Dragons groups. There wasn't one, but she saw my tattoo (It's a symbol from a videogame) and we got talking. Suddenly, bam, I had a friend. She introduced me to more people, and suddenly I had a network. I found my current partner within that network.

Be upfront with people - most of them will understand. Explain that, hey you haven't got a lot of social experience, but you're trying to learn. Ask them if they'd be so kind as to explain things to you that you don't understand. Reach out to them, and the right sorts of people will reach back.

I know it feels hopeless, grey, and empty. I've been there too. Your post really spoke to me because I understand exactly how that feels. I know this is a little bit on the older side now, but I hope you're doing OK, and that you find the answers you need.

Title	Am I on the right path?
Author	throwaway_Q_
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	December 12, 2017 9:24 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/7je3fs/am_i_on_the_right_path/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/am-i-on-the-right-path.300146 https://theredarchive.com/post/300146

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