How to stop feeling so dead inside

MissPearl · 2014-11-06T17:36:39+00:00

Either gender can play head games, but at the end of the day, pulling rank on people all the time is exhausting.

Have you ever worked a shitty job, the kind where little is expected of you, maybe in fast food or some sort of retail or customer service gig where everyone's under paid, part time and only sticks around for a while? And then there's usually a burned out manager type working eighty hours a week...

S/he doesn't get to be friends with anyone even if they spend most of their waking life on the job- you know damn well all the other people there want to do the least they possibly can to get the least hassle and anyone getting buddy-buddy with them has a high risk of trying to play the system.

Right now you've set yourself up in an oppositional dynamic this way with the opposite sex, by making it a job that you have to do. You're like that person in the little office wondering why they're surrounded by people but feeling so alone. Amused mastery is necessarily going to alienate you because it's nonsense- nobody's life is a power fantasy all the time.

The trouble is that human relationships are filled with vulnerability, and the expectations of masculinity make TRP seem attractive because it promises you that if you sacrifice any sort of intimate connection with other humans you'll never hurt again.

The sub gets accused of misogyny, but charitably I'd say gynophobia might be a better way to describe it- thousands of men trying to deal with the fact that everyone has interpersonal needs and heterosexuality is the ultimate cruel joke for a sexist person. Even if you fear and despise women, you still crave their company.

The only way forward is through your own vulnerabilities and to look at what you feel like TRP is giving you that you are afraid of giving up.

Like, loving my Gentleman is hellaciously vulnerable. He's got my heart in his pocket- my neck's on the metaphorical block, etc... He could shatter me completely. But if I want to have a relationship with him, and I mean a real one, I have to be brave enough to take that risk.

I could go all RPW on him, and push my needs deep down into a little box. Lock him out from anything he could hurt me with and make myself act numb. But that would just be like not having him- it would be like my weird, robotic acting and perfect twin sister was dating him while I was along for the ride.

Instead I need to be realistic about my needs and about his place in my life. True, the more worth it someone is, the more damage they can potentially do. But the secret is not to stop being me. I don't mean be my worst, most lazy self. Just to accept the human scope of behaviour and learn to deal with the fact that everyone and everything I know and love will leave me or die.

So you need to go towards one of the scariest parts of being human rather than avoid it. But there's a secret- this constant loss isn't as bad as people often treat it.

Life is kind of like rolling a piece of silly putty through a sand box. As you keep moving, all the stuff you do sticks to you. You can reshape yourself and choose to selectively pick bits out, but even that which is lost leaves stuff behind.

And over time you get a better sense for yourself- things that were scary like being dumped become the story of how proud you are of your recovery. You learn to walk the line between humble and aware of your own worth, to know when its time to take your lumps and when to say "fuck this shit".

Go hang out with the people who make you feel good, for starters. Do that shit you want to do but are afraid will make you seem weak. It's okay to have self respect- TRP is good for teaching you to act like you have it, but you need to practice loving yourself in a way that's real, not fake.

Redwine_and_Doritoes · 2014-11-06T16:18:41+00:00

Posting here since bluepill is more geared to make fun of TRP.

Seems that you have a bit more emotional intelligence than a typical Terper, since that dead feeling you have is what they call DA TROOF about life in general. They don't recognize that feeling since it is cynicism dressed up with a dash of fatalism, topped off with anger based ideology supported by 'just so' "evidence" to justify ego gratification and selfishness.

How do I move forward?

How do I stop feeling so dead inside after TRP

Same way to live life after reading morbidreality:

stop reading negative crap.
Identify what you want that would make you happy
Follow your bliss.
stay honest
It will take time
If you need professional help, seek it.

ewhetstone · 2014-11-06T14:41:05+00:00

That empty feeling sounds like depression. I hope you have tried finding a therapist you can talk to. It may be that medication could help you, or exercise, or meditation, or being outdoors, or adopting pets, or finding a place to volunteer where you feel both needed and important — there are a lot of things to try, and a counselor really can help you.

Also, Louis CK.

I wish you the best, fellow traveler on the sad road. Life is hard. But it's also a miracle, and the world has endless wonders.

redpillinsomnia · 2014-11-06T13:05:22+00:00

I'll probably xpost to /r/thebluepill since there's not too many users here

[deleted] · 2015-03-25T20:41:10+00:00

You're not going to fill a void within yourself with anything external. Just like your last relationship, when the thing plugging the hole inside your heart is removed, you've still got this giant painful hole there.

I suggest trying to figure out why you have this feeling of emptiness in the first place. This past relationship sounds like it has just exacerbated some hurt that was already there.

Relationships make it more difficult to parse out your own issues, unless you already have established a STRONG sense of self. I am a woman and have removed myself from dating AND sex (ughhhh) for two years. I was depressed and miserable, and I would be a terrible girlfriend to any guy I might try to date (despite my good intentions).

Once you find out the origin of your pain and start to deal with it, THEN you might be ready to be a GOOD PARTNER to someone else. You sound like you really need some time to worry about you, and only you.

Title	How to stop feeling so dead inside
Author	redpillinsomnia
Upvotes	10
Comments	6
Date	November 6, 2014 1:04 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/2lgxc6/how_to_stop_feeling_so_dead_inside/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-stop-feeling-so-dead-inside.300534 https://theredarchive.com/post/300534

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