Around the time when I was 18, I was radicalized into an anti-woman, anti-feminist hate group. I was easily lured in by this particular group because of my circumstances in life.

I grew up in a household where my mother resented me and she treated me accordingly with constant verbal and physical abuse. And my father was not in the household but I have a good relationship with him now. My mother adopted extreme anti-black male rhetoric which she would often take out on me, since I'm a black male. Some of the things she would say to me still stick to me to this day, like for example: "You look like your ugly ass daddy." Or stuff she would say about black men in general, she always had something negative to say about black men. I slowly internalized all that negative stuff she was speaking and I hated myself and people who were like me, especially black girls, for a very long time.

And then all over social media, I started seeing more and more posts from women saying that all men are trash, and I would see this type of rhetoric repeated by different people until I starting having some kind of resentment towards women in general. And that's when all of a sudden, I started stumbling upon Youtube videos of men calling out these "feminazis" as they'd call them and say that there's nothing wrong with being a man. Being in the vulnerable state I was in, I actively engaged with these other men as I thought they had my best interest at heart. For a while, they did. I spent most of my time online interacting with these men and telling them my situation in life and how to move forward. But honestly, all the advice I would get from there was all misogyny and I never even realized it. Being around these people, It eventually starting affecting my social interactions where I was just outright mean or rude to women, or dismiss them whenever they tried talking to me, because according to the hate group I was in, all women were on the Kill all men and I hate men bandwagon and I should trust none of them. And stupidly I believed them for a while.

For some reason, I decided to take a little break from those spaces because I just didn't have the energy to do anything I liked. I was so depressed and lonely, especially during this pandemic. And I also lost my job back when this pandemic first started and haven't been able to find work since. But actually, being away from those spaces made me a bit happier. To the point I had the motivation to do things that I enjoyed, like play video games. And that's where I met a new circle of friends that are still my friends to this day, consisting only of women. At first, I was uneasy but these women treated me with nothing but kindness so I slowly opened up to them. It also helped with the fact that it was a diverse circle, One woman was trans, two of them were lesbians, the rest were either straight or bisexual. I even told a few of my situation and shockingly, they were understanding. One of them even admitting to me that she was the same way I was, but towards men.

So honestly, me not going to those toxic hate group circles anymore took away a lot of my depression and having a diverse group of friends helped me get rid of the toxic mindset I gained from said group. And realizing that feminism isn't a gateway into hating men. I only wish I realized how I was acting with women, was the very thing I was upset about some women were doing to men. I do also wish I could have interacted with the women I was mean to in the past a lot better, all I did was alienate potential friends or girlfriends I could have had in my life. I don't talk to my mother anymore, and honestly I do not plan to ever.

Are there any other guys here that have gone through something similar? And would you recommend me to do anything to further improve my mental state?