Not ex-RP per se but I did participate in the whole PUA thing for a while. I've actually managed to make a lot of progress on my own but recently I encountered an obstacle in my life that I figured I should share here. A lot of this sub seems to be dedicated to the idea of becoming better men and overcoming toxic masculine behaviors. Which, I love that there's a space for that but there's one thing I can't figure out in my own journey: how to avoid paralyzing yourself with guilt or shame. In my personal case, I've realized in the past few months that despite projecting certain values, I've failed to live up to them in certain ways. Despite calling myself a feminist ally, many of my behaviors (participating in hook-up culture, consuming toxic pornographic material, and just generally not being as respectful to colleagues and romantic partners as I should be) would likely lead other allies to consider me as something of a scumbag and they wouldn't be entirely wrong to do so.

I don't need help determining whether or not I've been problematic or if I've perpetuated standards of toxic masculinity; I know that for certain. What I've yet to figure out, even with therapy, is how to actually manage the emotions stemming from these things. I think I should feel some degree of guilt and shame over having failed to be a decent man and ally but I think I've taken those to an extreme level. It's to the point where it's preventing me from actually being productive towards the end of actually making the necessary changes to be a better man. Like I said, I am currently seeking therapy over the issue but this is one question that we've had a hard time answering so I was wondering if anyone here had experience dealing with a similar situation.