I used to be pretty quiet and still am. I had a certain quiet charisma and confidence that people liked and I had many friends, guys and girls. Sometimes I would come across people that hated it though. They would call me out and say I was boring. But I didn't care at the time as I had a lot of confidence. Fast forward to right before college and I am online and I come across real social dynamics on YouTube. Basically pua guys. I guess my confidence faded and the things people said about me got to me. Without going into detail I felt like these guys were speaking directly to me. Basically saying how they were once quiet, shy guys too and now they are super popular and cool and get girls whenever they want with game. So naively I believed them and watched their videos for hours on end. It did work however, it did not last. This is the weird part. I believe trying to be like them, I warped my personality to try to fit theirs, only to get creeped out cringe reactions from girls and people in general the deeper I got into it. I started to realize I should stop. I realized I was not being my authentic self anymore. I did stop but the damage was done as I felt I couldn't relate to people in an authentic way anymore. That was 4 years ago and even today it has gotten better but everyday I still don't feel like myself and wish I never got involved and that I could get my old self back. So this is my story and sort of a cry for help