This will be a bit long so please bare with me cliffs at the bottom

I never had an issue getting women between 2007 and 2010 I was in an LTR which was toxic it crushed my confidence. I was what the RP space would call a natural. However, after that toxic relationship, I lost my mojo. My roommate at the time was 5 years older than me and getting his master's for Therapy. He was the one who got me into RSD/RP crap. He was always dealing with women yes some were hot but also bats*** crazy. Looking back at it now I think he only studied therapy to learn how to manipulate people(and self-diagnose himself which is quite common) cause he would teach me these things(come to find out later he was trying to manipulate me to pay the full rent, the irony) I went down the PUA rabbit hole.

You guys know the rest reading blogs going out to self-improve. I wasn't a Keyboard Jockey (you know the Rollo Tomassi type) I met tons of guys In "The Community" and these guys seemed like normal guys who just wanted to improve with women and life(I also met some weird guys who had mental health issues and thought that happiness was in between a woman's legs)

I became addicted to the game going out night after night woman after woman going out weekend after the weekend but with each orgasm, I would release in a woman I became more self-loathing because In my spirit I knew I was miserable and empty inside. The RP, while I knew, was toxic gave me "confirmation bias" i.e. hypergamy, all women are like that and feminism is the root of all evil, women only want Chad. I also realized that most of "The Community" guys were obsessed with women to a level that was just not healthy. I remember I would invite guys to work out or just go out to eat or do things that would be outside of clubbing or going out. However, these guys weren't interested in that. They just wanted to go out and "Approach". Needless to say, I stopped dealing with them because their obsession was weird to me and I noticed myself starting to think like a "Social Robot" and becoming obsessed. I woke up one day and I didn't like the person I became. I looked in the mirror and had bag's under my eyes put on an extra 25 pounds from drinking, partying and drugs

Fast forward 2017 I went on a journey, lost weight, traveled to Brazil, Europe, etc re-discovered my faith made new friends. These new friends were women included and weren't the typical "Club Turbos" that you would meet. However, I started dating a girl who was a hardcore self-proclaimed Feminist. The relationship was toxic but the sex was amazing. Not to be graphic but that's why I stayed

After the break up I started to date again and realized a lot of women on dating apps had the same mentality slowly I started going down the Red pill rabbit hole again during covid(I work from home self-employed) and watching youtube RP stuff. However, it all seemed like a grift everyone was saying the same stuff and half the time you knew these guys were scammers or were just repeating talking points. Then in 2021 I met a new group of people and started traveling again with this group just having tons of fun and meeting high-quality women

I'm 35 now and I have had this desire to start a family and want children. However, there is this nagging voice in my mind that "PUA" side of me(which won't fully die) that says 80% of women initiate divorce, the legal system favors women, you guys know the talking points etc

I know wanting to have children and being married isn't a bad thing but knowing what I know I can't lie to myself about the stats, that marriage is a risky proposition. I have seen what divorce has done to a few of my buddies. It has left some of them broke, it has made some buddies put on 100 pounds and more. However, I don't see a fulfilling life just banging chicks

I guess I'm asking can you really fully detox if part of the RP is true (even though 80% is pseudoscience b.s., false narratives and toxic AF)or is my only option to get married outside of America?

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Cliffs

-OP was in LTR from 2007-2010

-OP discovers PUA community

-OP becomes addicted going out and smashing randoms

-OP becomes miserable with going out

-OP quits RP travels the world and gets new social circle

-OP gets in LTR with feminist and goes down rabbithole again

-OP gets out meets new friends

-OP now wants to get married but can't deny the staticis look bleak