Update on my platonic-feeling gf; additional input would be great

brahmidia · 2020-06-16T18:14:13+00:00

"Not comfortable being sexual in public" is the bit to focus on here. Men are often accused of not listening and this is a prime example: you've made yourself very clear and fully analyzed your own feelings and desires but she also made herself very clear and if you want intimacy you've gotta be prioritizing each other's feelings somewhat over your own: you first. Intimacy is more than just orgasms, it's taking care of each other's needs. I made a bagel for my wife this morning, believe it or not but it was done in an intimate manner. Not because I was in my underwear but because it was done gently in order to take care of what she needed at the time.

It's not unreasonable for someone to hate PDA; maybe she can feel imaginary people's eyes on her through the windows, maybe cars just aren't romantic for her. And you put her through that for hours and argued about it? I'm married and my wife can hardly kiss me if the blinds aren't closed, it's called anxiety.

I don't know your whole history but pay very close attention to her words and body language. Practice active listening, treat what she says like an expert telling you how to defuse a bomb, pay attention and don't dismiss her words or feelings. That's the cause of innumerable fights. I want you to be able to recite verbatim everything she says five minutes after she's said it with a full analysis of all the implications those words could reasonably mean. That's what women mean by "listen to me, care about me" -- truly prioritizing them in your mind and actions. If you do that, she should at some point reciprocate, and that's what we call a relationship.

If you do that I bet you'll realize that any physical intimacy needs to be elsewhere or in a different form or later. Your question here should've been "how can I help make that happen for you" not just repeating what you want. She probably has ideas about what she wants to do with you and how to do it -- she's agreeing to see you and keeps texting you first of all -- but she's not going to be able to get a word in edgewise if she knows that she's going to be talked over and told, essentially, "this is how it's gotta be." Sometimes a sweet walk in a park at sunset with a peck on the cheek is far more romantic than fooling around in the backseat. I've done both, the difference is in how you're both feeling. And let me tell you, people's feelings are on a roller coaster right now.

You've heard of the baby boom? Yeah that was after like a decade of apocalyptic stuff happening, during which presumably very little sex was happening. Everyone from that time is dead now otherwise I'd try and ask my grandpa how he managed but I can tell you for starters the answer begins with "well I was away at Normandy for nine months..."

quickbucket · 2020-06-16T18:32:25+00:00

She is being very reasonable. Making out in the back of a car is trashy and anything more than making out can lead to public exposure/indecency tickets. You're an adult... get a motel room ffs. My partner and I both hate PDA but need intimate alone time (not just sex) so we would get hotel rooms to hang out on weekends a couple times per month back when we still lived with our parents. It's like $50 for a not entirely gross motel room. Get it together. For $200 per month you could be getting the intimacy you need without making your girlfriend uncomfortable.

Title	Update on my platonic-feeling gf; additional input would be great
Author	badrelationshipthro
Upvotes	2
Comments	13
Date	June 16, 2020 4:41 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ha7juy/update_on_my_platonicfeeling_gf_additional_input/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/update-on-my-platonic-feeling-gf-additional-input.697115 https://theredarchive.com/post/697115

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