A Big Sister Guide. (Part 2)

For the ones who haven't read the first part, here's the link to it: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hvq7sa/a_big_sister_guide/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Now, I want you to read these carefully and start building yourself up, because you're no cheap product. I repeat, the universe resides within you, and you have to realise it now. We have made the mistake of letting someone in and letting them walk all around our place soiling it, but it's high time we forgive ourselves, and let no man or woman simply enter our life and leave us completely drained of your self esteem.

Number 6: Stop looking back. You know how you take the day's garbage and put it in the garbage bag and throw it out in the trash? That's exactly what's happening here. Once they leave you trampled, or you see their red flags and decide to leave them, they're getting dumped in that garbage bag and thrown in the trash on their own. The only reason it feels like that's not the case is because you're going back and opening the trash again and getting a whiff of it. Smells fucking rank, and that's why it hurts. I have to quote one of my favourite quotes from Alan Watts here, "Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone", and I cannot stress enough on this. All this looking back is going to snap your neck in half, and your head looks the best when it's respectfully standing on your shoulders. You are now strong and alone, and you are free to do SO much that's going to make you a beautiful, bold person that you were always meant to be. Don't let a worthless jerk make you feel otherwise, you only look forward now. This isn't an option btw, it's a necessity. Look forward, and ONLY forward. No going back. This also applies to the ones who get their exes texting after a year or so, asking to get back together. That's literally garbage walking into your house again, are you really going to keep that rotten shit in your house? Hell no, throw it out, where it's meant to be. In the trash.

Number 7: Do not compare yourself to anyone. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to believe me when I say this, you are no less than anybody. You are a product of the universe, period. If that guy cheated on you and you find yourself comparing to the one he cheated with, shrug that thought away, and look out for yourself, look forward. This acts like a fuel to the fire, your fire. Work on yourself to become the best version of you, because if you don't, it means that in your head you're still trying to impress that person in your fantasy that you once thought loved you. Which means that you're going back to the trashcan that you're supposed to leave alone, and you don't need that. The moment you get such thoughts, keep telling yourself that you are only supposed to look forward, and that's not an option. You have to do it. Nothing can take away what's yours, nothing can take away the beauty you have. It doesn't feel like that right now, but once you start working on your inner beauty and your inner respect, the outer glow is bound to come back. Nobody can steal that light.

Number 8: Recognise the symbol. Often times we still linger onto our exes in our fantasy because of the way they treated us good in the beginning, and at that time we felt like that was exactly what we needed, more like "deserved". In my case, I come from an abusive family and I was in desperate need of caring and love, and that's exactly what he gave to me, so he became a symbol of "care and love" to me. When he left, that symbol of care and love was gone, and I could feel a hole in my heart in that exact spot. If I had that spot already filled by knowing my self worth, I wouldn't have felt so hollow and trampled. In fact I would've never attracted a person like him in the first place who would pick my weakest point and manipulate me there. So right now, I'm asking you to think about that one thing that your ex filled you with, be it financial support, love, care, attention, security, whatever it is that he gave you that made you love him so much (at the same time I don't want you to spiral back into a negative thought process, ie think only about what he gave you), and understand that symbol. Whatever it is that he gave you and took away. You are now alone and golden, and this is the best time to fill yourself with what he took away from you. Remember that our goal is to attract healthy people. Damage attracts damage, and we want healthy attracting healthy. That only happens when you heal yourself in areas that you subconsciously didn't think needed any healing. This also goes to self parenting, since a lot of our parents didn't set a right example for us and we ended up attracting the wrong kind of people. I will make another big post about parenting and how it correlates to dating soon.

Number 9: Set your standards. Remember that you're not high maintenance, or "too much" or expensive, as I said in my last post. They cannot afford you. Which means that you are the gift that a man gets. Not the other way around. I'm not saying that we should be mean either. The correct way is to be down to earth, and at the same time know this mind game like the back of your hand. If you set your standards high enough, the ones who cannot afford you will automatically get repelled. They'll remain as window shoppers. People will get jealous of you for having those standards set, because deep inside they can't afford to do that for themselves, since they're caught in a negative cycle. People will act mean or rude to you to get a shock value out of you, or a reaction. Don't give into any of it. Men know exactly what we're insecure about, men know that we are attracted to the loving and caring kind, men know us very well because they've dealt with women who didn't know themselves fully and gave into their bullshit. You have to be different. You know that they know, but what they know is derived from women who didn't know their self worth. For you to know your self worth, you've to set standards for yourself, high enough that no low value man can invade your space and litter it.

Number 10: Dance. So random, right? But one of the best things out there. I don't mean dancing with rehearsed steps, no. What I mean is dancing out of your mind, dancing to music that gets your adrenaline rushing and exploding, dancing brainlessly. This is that one thing that's going to completely get your mind off of the situationship past, and put you in the present. At the same time it's going to induce love hormones in your brain, and slowly open up your mind to accepting your energy. Dancing will help you become more vibrant with your energy, it will automatically make you feel a little high, make you sweat, make you smile even for a temporary while. I recommend you do it at least once in a day. Especially if you're on the last stages of almost moving on, then it's going to be a life saver.

Lastly, I want to affirm you that all of this is going to amount to something much better, something you cannot even imagine right now, but I promise you it's going to be 100% better and worth it. I'm gonna repeat here what I said in my former post, the guy that did this to you, it's on him. The pain and agony that you've suffered, it is equivalent to getting your muscles ripped after a heavy workout, but that workout goes to waste if we don't feed our body with the right nutrients. So you've to feed your mind and soul with with healthy stuff, not junk food (ie rebound and temporary situationships). You've to feed your mind and soul with self acceptance, and constantly be in the process of building yourself up. Do not look back, no matter what happens, and do not go back to the losers that let you down. You have come so far and it cannot be all for nothing. You are here to be the best version of yourself, and I'm glad I could have this talk with you. I will be posting more in the future, and whatever I learn about relationships, I will share it with you so that we can build together. Be strong for me, and most importantly, for yourself. Get back up.