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swatir24 Archive

View 15 posts and 169 comments by swatir24 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
377

swatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 03:27 PM
287

Story time ☕swatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:32 PM
274

MOOD FOR LIFEswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 03:05 PM
204

FDS TRANSLATES MENswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:31 PM
180

QUEEN SH*Tswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 03:49 AM
162

PICKMEISHA HALL OF SHAMEswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:47 PM
134

 REDDIT HATES WOMENswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 02:59 AM
109

swatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:29 AM
92

QUEEN SH*Tswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:03 PM
64

FDS RESCUE MISSIONswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 11:18 AM
56

QUEEN SH*Tswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 01:53 PM
13

MOOD FOR LIFEswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:19 AM
12

LibFem Logicswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 03:02 PM
1

PICKME CULTUREswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 02:57 PM
1

 REDDIT HATES WOMENswatir24/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:58 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
59

I was this woman! My ex would just not be able to get it up and so I'd think of all the ways to make sex work for us. I'd buy lingerie, sex toys and even offered to watch his favorite porn videos with him. We actually tried it once. The idea was to watch porn together and then have sex, but a few minutes into the video and I was so disgusted that I just left the room. Such intense shame when I look back at this incident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 04:16 AM
89

I love the comments on his insta post. So many women calling him out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 01:06 PM
13

So proud of you. But please please take care of yourself through all this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 04:13 PM
1

The sub is growing fast and with the kind of volume it sees now, it's rather natural that there will be a lot of low quality content. I'd honestly prefer seeing it grow and reach many more women than keep it a tight-knit community, so I don't mind the low quality posts. That being said, not everyone who visits the sub will read the wiki or get a foundational understanding of FDS principles. When I came here first, I'd just spend time browsing the top posts because that was the extent of my inves…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 02:52 PM
18

Seconded! They strictly do not allow any posts focusing on dating or men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 02:45 PM
36

Oh yes, the performative niceness was another thing. I was always the one doing the actual nice things for others, but now I have started announcing it too. My ex would also always ask the name of the service staff and refer to them exclusively with that, and they would all fall over themselves to get him everything he wanted. Even if he was callous and rude later, they didn't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:32 PM
23

Right? Life gets so much easier when you do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:27 PM
169

I saw a post on the gaybros subreddit disparaging women for being difficult to date. These guys said they were glad to be gay as they didn't have to deal with kuhrazzzy women. Men's hatred for women perseveres, whether they are straight, gay or bi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 03:51 AM
42

My ex asked me what I loved about him. Being the thoughtful person that I am, I listed down many great qualities and he ended up very happy. Then I asked him the same question back and he took 5 whole minutes to think before he said - I love how nice you are to me. And I stayed with him for another 8 months when I should have just left then and there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 02:56 AM
33

If he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to text me, he would. If he wanted to talk to me, he would call. If he wanted to date me, he would ask me out. And so on. Now I don't make excuses for low effort men in my head and take them at face value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 01:14 AM
346

In the True Crime subreddit, the comments are so divided, making it very easy to tell which ones come from men and which ones are by women. The men, the ones who weren't outright blaming Gabby for her own murder, were all lamenting the fact that Gabby and that ass were both toxic to each other, which led to this situation. The women, most of whom have been in abusive relationships, were able to empathize with Gabby based on the video footage with the police. They were able to see how distraught …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:13 PM
39

This has happened to me so often. Guys will fall over themselves when they are "courting" me and the minute they know I'm interested in them, they stop making efforts. Isn't this what happens in a lot of marriages too? As long as he is chasing you, you will see the best side of him. After marriage, they take everything for granted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 10:15 AM
5

Yes to all these! They are never truly interested in listening to you, there's usually an agenda.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 05:55 AM
19

Yeah being a good listener should be the bare minimum. You don't need an award for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 04:55 PM
35

Same! I dated the sweetest quiet guy but boy did he make dinners seem like a chore. Then one day it clicked- I can't spend the rest of my life carrying the burden of conversation. Had to break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 04:54 PM
56

They are usually really bad at it too. Moving from one woman to another doesn't give them the time to actually learn what women want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:59 PM
3

I'd marry a tree. At least it won't lie about it's height.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 10:11 AM
11

It's so disappointing because believe it or not height matters to some of us. I think I'm fairly smart, wise and empathetic and I still don't like dating guys shorter than me. At 5'6" I don't think that's too much to ask. But invariably once in every few month, I'll go out with a guy whose profile mentioned he was taller than me only to find out he is my height or shorter. It's such a turn off to find out you were lied to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 10:08 AM
19

I don't exchange any social media information until I have gone out with the guys a few times. So hard no Snapchat. I know for a fact that some guys like beating around the bush too much, and these are the guys who are likely asking you to show them around the city instead of straight up asking you out on a date. There's less chance of rejection that way. Now why would any self respecting woman want to go out with a guy like that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 10:02 AM
17

What if he brings it up even before you do, just to appear woke? A new guy I'm dating did this. He didn't mention it in my context but he was talking about what his female friend told him about menstrual cups and it made me wonder if he mentioned it just to win some brownie points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 09:59 AM
59

Any time a guy asks me to calm down or "chill", I lose my shit a little bit more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 09:56 AM
19

And then we both watch some porn together to get him hard again. Such passion!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:26 AM
133

Take me on a walk to a neighborhood park and then invite me over to his place for sharing a Domino's Pizza, of which I will pay half.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 06:07 PM
2

For me, this is a realization that has come with age. As I get older, I am more comfortable acknowledging that I am am awesome person. At the least, I want someone who puts in as much effort into things as I do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 04:45 PM
2

Yes! Just last night I was thinking that all I want is a partner who is all the things I am in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 04:04 PM
142

I'm a strong boundaries person who turned into a people pleaser because everyone around me said I was too arrogant or high maintenance. Now as a recovering people pleaser, I'd rather be too high maintenance than a doormat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 02:22 PM
27

Yes, why is a couple of women talking to each other automatically termed gossip?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:52 AM
12

First things first, block him everywhere and don't give in to his requests to have that "last conversation". Since your feelings for him were genuine, you will find it difficult to heal. So give yourself as much time as possible and be kind to yourself but firm with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 02:14 PM
7

So typical! Now he is going to pressure her into an open relationship because apparently he needs more passion that she can give him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:42 PM
36

So typical! Now he is going to pressure her into an open relationship because apparently he needs more passion that she can give him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:41 PM
28

He's such a manipulative dick. That poor woman is going along with this because we are conditioned to go above and beyond for men. I wish someone could tell her that just because he write love notes for you and brings you flowers, you don't have to reciprocate with public sex and BDSM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:39 PM
19

He struggled with the western concept of monogamy because having a wife who did everything for him except have sex at his beck and call was not enough for him. He needed a girlfriend too, so now she has to be BOTH a wife and a girlfriend. Sounds exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 02:37 PM
35

Yes, even now when I'm paying my rent every month I think to myself how much less I would have to pay if I was married. But then I come to my senses real quick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 03:23 AM
22

Yes, walk away and just give yourself some time. I promise the charm of a "closure" will fade away the longer you wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 08:39 AM
1

You are so defensive! You are bad at talking feedback.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:24 PM
26

Same here. In my late 20s, with family and societal pressure to settle down, my standards dropped to low for my own benefit. FDS was how I realised I had turned into a pickmeisha and now I'm back on track!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:31 PM
63

The first time I came to FDS was because it was being bashed in another "feminist" sub. I had just started dating a narcissist then, and I was in the middle of being lovebombed. I told myself I had found "my person", so I would never need to be as "bitter" as the women here. Then, as the relationship got worse, I kept following the sub. Soon enough, I realised I was in an abusive relationship and this sub proved to be a sisterhood of fierce women who had all gone through similar experiences. The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 08:07 AM
20

Its great that you are happy, but can I just say one thing? Please be very careful with making these videos of yourself, especially ones in which you are easily identifiable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:38 AM
26

Next time you think of considering him, remember that being with someone like him won't make you feel any better. If anything, you will feel much worse after. You will feel more empty, lonely and guilty afterwards so save yourself the headache. You are already doing so well for yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:28 AM
25

Like raw tomato slices, with salt and pepper? Did he even share?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:30 PM
44

I love women only spaces for this reason. It's so freei ng to know there's no man around to objectify and sexualize me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 02:35 PM
16

Don't feel guilty because a lot of us smart women have made the same mistake of falling for a narcissistic abuser. You were being manipulated and lied to, and you had the wherewithal to escape as soon as you possibly could. Well done!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 07:10 AM
4

The only good thing about 2020 was finding FDS, kicking him out of my life and finding peace. Oh and also saving a ton of money and progressing in my career because I don't have an NVM pulling me down anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:05 AM
10

The only good thing about 2020 was finding FDS, kicking him out of my life and finding peace. Oh and also saving a ton of money and progressing in my career because I don't have an NVM pulling me down anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:46 AM
17

This looks amazing! Definitely watching it tonight. I just hope she doesn't fall in love and learn her lesson by the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:42 AM
55

This is why I really dislike the hype around love languages. Men get away with putting zero thought and effort into gifts by claiming their love language is "physical touch".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:30 PM
2

That only works on dogs! And why is he filming this on the streets?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:26 AM
8

Tried looking , but it must have been deleted because I can't find it now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:40 AM
123

I was brought up by a mom just like the sister in law in this story. My mom was super protective of me, strongly monitored which grownups I got to spend alone time with and I was taught to be wary of men and their intentions. Every child deserves to have a fiercely protective adult in their life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:43 AM
17

I have never heard anyone say "therapy is for women". I'm sure more women seek out therapy because they are more self aware and have the drive to improve themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:03 AM
2

It broke my heart to read this. I hope some day when she is less vulnerable, she finds it within herself to dump his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 11:39 AM
2

I can't wait to use that line when I'm ranting about my ex. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 03:19 PM
2

"I hope to God he didn't mean it" But he did say it and there's nothing God can do about that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 05:10 AM
21

I read all the comments gushing about how amazing their love story is and I knew I had to post it here for my own sanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 04:57 PM
51

They are so codependent on their parents that they can't imagine making any decisions on their own. Those who will want to introduce you to their parents will still break up with you if they disapprove.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:58 PM
153

And for a man who was apprehensive of introducing you to his parents even after two years of dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 02:08 PM
32

Or if a man tells you he isn't in contact with any of his exes, you feel relieved but then over time you discover that it's because they have all blocked him. And then one day you join the list of his exes who have blocked him. A journey I could have easily avoided.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 04:48 PM
4

I had always thought gender neutral bathrooms were alright in theory because I hadn't had to use one. Then I went to a so called feminist conference at a German University where every bathroom had been turned gender neutral. That was the filthiest, dirtiest bathroom I ever did see. I literally walked across campus to a Starbucks just to pee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:23 PM
2

He should get her some flowers and call it a day. He's already being so sweet and caring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 03:54 PM
11

Another one: life being too peaceful and calm. Oh wait, that's trauma bonding!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 03:31 PM
9

I appreciate this trashcan more than I appreciate most men. It's at least of some use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:58 PM
56

My mom's like just like that. If my sister or I say no to anything or anyone, she will fight heaven and hell to make sure our boundaries are respected. I can't tell you how amazing it is to grow up knowing mom will always have my back! Your daughter is really lucky to have you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:55 PM
5

Definitely. This is from a website that's considered very progressive and provocative for their propensity to talk about women's sexual liberation and empowerment. But most of their advice is so goddamn libfem-ey!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 03:54 PM
24

A gem- I am lucky enough so far, to be a part of what I would like to think are healthy relationships but the discourse around ‘toxicity’ has ensured I can never be certain if my relationships are actually not toxic. The tight frameworks supposed to help me realise the ‘truth’ underneath my relationships, sometimes just erode my confidence in my own judgement and obscure the truth about who I am. Their simplified language of victimhood, while claiming to be ‘for’ women, often rides roughshod ove…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:57 AM
55

A fuckboy is just a tortured, misunderstood soul after all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:52 AM
29

They are lovebombing. If they don't say all of that stuff, the woman will take heed of the red flags and leave them sooner. So they trap us with sappy bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 03:18 PM
2

To the OP, yes, you are only thinking this way because you are a guy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 01:56 PM
13

She is so good! It was refreshing to read all the positive YouTube comments appreciating her humor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 01:53 PM
58

Is kind, not just to you but to everyone in his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 04:09 PM
3

Bookmarked this. I'm a cross between childhood wound and scarcity mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:15 AM
37

Very soon she will be paying for all their dates and buying him a lot of gifts. Then they will move in together and she will pay for rent, utilities and groceries. There's no limit to how much an LVM will mooch off you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:05 AM
5

Brilliant! Thank you for sharing this gem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:19 AM
0

Yes, failure is inevitable if you trying to better anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:11 AM
16

And would probably know her size too. Has he never dressed his own daughter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:09 AM
4

Yes! My life has been so peaceful and calm since my break up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:56 AM
3

I'm a HVW turned pickme and now a recovering pickme. I found FDS and it was so easy to go back to my HV ways. What FDS has changed in me is that I no longer feel the need to have a boyfriend. This is the first time in my life I have been single for a couple of months, with absolutely no romantic interest on the horizon. It's so freeing and I can't believe it took me so long to get here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:58 PM
2

He wants to make you feel needed and wanted. A great way for narcissist men to trap a codependent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:49 AM
7

Johnny was such an amazing husband and father. He added value to everything he did, even when he went broke he stayed an HVM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 08:58 AM
5

I thank my stars everyday that my lvm ex cheated on me. I put up with a lot of his bullshit and if it wasn't for his cheating (that's one boundary I couldn't let even him cross), I would still be in a miserable and abusive relationship with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 08:47 AM
19

I thank my stars everyday that my lvm ex cheated on me. I put up with a lot of his bullshit and if it wasn't for his cheating (that's one boundary I couldn't let even him cross), I would still be in a miserable and abusive relationship with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 08:46 AM
2

And remember it will get better. It takes time, that's all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:02 PM
42

They are fictional, but Leslie and Ben from Parks and Rec
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 01:55 PM
66

Sounds like a porn sick guy. He's fetishising women and it does not seem like he thinks of them as more than sex objects.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 12:31 PM
2

We are told that we have to communicate our needs and we can't expect our partner to magically sense them. And so we communicate and communicate. That's what I did. So every time he did something hurtful, I'd communicate and he would apologise immediately and promise to do better. And the cycle would begin all over again. I soon realised his empty promises never translated into concrete actions. I never felt cared for and heard. I wish I could say I left him when I realised this. Instead, I numb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 02:18 PM
4

Been in the same position. You have gotten some great ideas about getting your stuff back, so all I will say is, break up with him. The loneliness of being with someone who doesn't meet your emotional needs is soul crushing. The longer you stay, the more you will lose yourself. The breakup will hurt for a while but the peace and calm that comes after is priceless. I went no contact 2 months ago and my life feels normal again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:48 PM
3

Sorry but you made me do this thing that hurt you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 11:53 AM
4

The only way out of it is through it. You are going to feel shitty and there is no way around it. Just know that you will feel better with time. Since it's only been three days, I know how much you must be hurting. I promise you day 30 will not hurt this much if you stay on the no contact path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 03:20 AM
10

Can't reccomend Dr. Ramani enough. She is the smartest, kindest and most articulate person on YouTube!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:31 PM
2

With CBT, I'd always recommend seeing a professional. I tried doing it myself later on using worksheets and exercises I found online, but having professional guidance is necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 05:23 AM
10

Try cognitive behavioral therapy. It really helped me rewire my brain and drop some harmful core beliefs I held about our relationship. I'm still working on it, but now I am able to control my tendency to ruminate. I'm able to catch myself ruminating and redirect my thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:39 AM
6

I'm glad you are using this as a stepping stone to change your ways. I have also been a massive pickmeisha for a man who wined and dined me and was just the most charming man ever. We are all learning after all. You failed to set firm boundaries and let this man cross whatever few boundaries you did have in place. I hope you don't let that happen again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:11 PM
23

You kissed him knowing he had a girlfriend, under the guise of friendship? And even after that disastrous "date" you texted him first and then kept trying to stay in contact. And then HE blocked you. I don't see what you did right here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:14 PM
21

There's something about turning thirty. My 30th birthday was last week, after a pretty traumatic breakup. Now I'm in no hurry to get into another relationship. Instead of feeling like I'm too old to be single, I feel like I'm way too old to be dating some NVM. I don't see myself settling for some asshole now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:10 PM
3

With narcissistic traits
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 02:10 AM
7

Yes, if you are insecure it's because he doesn't inspire trust. Instead of 'working on your insecurities' find someone who won't give you a reason to be insecure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:45 PM
3

That's a narcissist for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 09:10 AM
8

Currently in isolating and aching stage and glad to know I'm on the right path. I was thinking I must be doing it wrong because I don't feel any joy or contentment right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:37 AM
3

Classic narcissist. Every single point you have here is a a narcissist trait. Sound alike my ex!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:37 PM
3

I spent 11 months making a situation like this work. I bought expensive lingerie, lit candles, arranged good whisky, googled tips and tricks and nothing made it better because it was never about me. Please don't waste any more of your time on this and remember there is nothing you can do to fix this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:26 PM
9

You are amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 11:59 AM
1

Thank you. I needed to see this today!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:37 AM
17

My narc ex would do this to me. He'd say you have an amazing body, why don't you wear tighter clothes or lower necklines. Ummm, I like my style and fashion choices, thank you very much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:30 AM
5

I work closely with politicians in my country and something we say in my field is - look beyond good intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:26 AM
15

It's been a month and a half of breaking up and going no contact with this exact guy. I still cry every day and then hate myself for how foolish I was. Hoping the healing process can speed up now that I have had some distance from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 05:30 AM
11

I read through you post and I could relate to so much. Badass HVW in my 20s till I met this guy at 29. He seemed like a HVM in the begining and lovebombed me well. Between feeling too old to be on the dating scene and perceiving him to be an HVM, I put with so much of his bullshit. He turned out to be a narc who cheated on me and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not the gaslighting, disrespect, manipulation, laziness etc that came way before the cheating. Now I realise that I neve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 02:15 AM
2

My ex had a wandering eye and I put up with it for a while even though it would bother me every single time. It isn't normal and you should find someone better. You are way too young to be stuck with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:27 AM
26

You didn't ruin anyone's life! She's going to level up and move on to lead a good life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:23 AM
6

Please don't engage. He seems disgusting and dirty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:40 AM
4

With the 7 years older guy I had dated, I never felt like I was hanging out with someone so much older. There was none of that generation gap stuff, you know why? Because he was too immature for his age. He went around living his life like he was in his late 20s and while that sounds cool on paper, it's jarring in real life. So if someone in his 50s wants to be with you, you will either face all the issues other commenters have mentioned, or he is going to be delusional about his age and all res…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:36 AM
13

He sounds like a narcissist. They don't love women for who they are but for what they can get out of them. She's my lobster because she puts up with my shit, she's convenient, she doesn't complain, she makes me look good in front of family and friends and she gives me validation. And he's going to cheat on her real soon, if he isn't already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:11 AM
31

About to turn 30, dated someone 7 years older and I honestly think even that was too old for me. So my age range would be -2 to +5 I guess. But yeah, if a super rich, famous and successful HVM in his 50s wanted to go out with me, I'd give him a chance, even if just for the experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:13 AM
12

It's feel like my mind was all foggy just about a month ago and now after the breakup, it's almost like I can clearly hear myself think. I don't know if that sentence even made sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 02:36 AM
5

You don't need to rationalise your actions to yourself. It didn't feel right and so you broke up. That is reasonable enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 02:57 AM
79

So this grown ass adult didn't know what to do when he was dying of hunger and exhaustion? Were there no restaurants or even gas stations where he could have had a bite and a drink? I don't understand why it's still her responsibility to make sure the man is well fed and taken care of. Even after a divorce we have to do the emotional labor for these men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 02:48 AM
87

My cringiest moment- found out he'd cheated on me, broke up with him and then went back to him because I couldn't imagine life without him. In my defense, even when I went back to him I was clear that we had broken up and we would never be together again. I just wanted to keep living my life with him like nothing had happened. Such a desperate pick me thing to do. Fortunately, snapped out of it in a week and have been no contact since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:43 PM
17

Yes please! I am already 30% through but I will read slower so I can be on track with your timeline
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:39 PM
15

This! Put everything down in writing. Like a lawyer would ask you to do - collect evidence you can put in front of a judge. Except in this situation you are your own lawyer and judge. It really helps to write down every awful thing he's said or done and then read it our loud. Makes you realise how much shit you have been putting up with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 08:23 AM
3

Ughh to all the LVMs saying physical touch is their love language. Like hello, hugs and kisses are the bare minimum in a relationship??? And how low effort do you have to be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:14 AM
18

You are not a boring person if you enjoy your own company. Take yourself on long walks, go stargazing, sit on a park bench and read or listen to music, treat yourself at a nice restaurant, cook something elaborate, do some journalling or scrapbooking- these are some of the things I love doing. There's no limit to how much fun you can have alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 07:21 AM
6

Yes! Even when I'm bored, I don't feel the urge to talk to randos on OLD. I spend all my time on myself, my health and my career and every day is so peaceful. I love this feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 07:13 AM
1

You are amazingly articulate! This is very helpful. How do I reframe the guilt I feel when my narc ex comes hoovering back? I feel like I'm giving up on him, like I'm being cruel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:02 PM
1

What reading resources would you suggest. I have a lot of time on my hands, so I'd love to pick up a book or two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:01 PM
11

"At least he's not cheating on me" - for now! A man who disrespects your boundaries is testing you to see how far you will let him go. A man who disrespects your boundaries now will very soon turn to cheating, because you have shown him that your boundaries are malleable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:39 PM
6

Same sister! Let's stay strong and remember that the more you practise something, the easier it will get. It's like getting off an addiction. You know it will do you more harm than good, so use all the willpower you have got.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:39 AM
15

Did all of this for an entire year and that was so exhausting. Towards the end, it was like every cell in my body was screaming at me to get out. I didn't, for a long time, because trauma bonding is one hell of a drug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:59 AM
10

So much this. Now even if I'm sitting at home looking out of a window, my mind is at peace, it's resting. I really missed this feeling of just being by myself. It feels delicious!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:00 PM
19

Just like when a man says all his exes were crazy, a woman saying she has no women friends because they are all jealous of her is a huge red flag. These people find it so easy to put women under the bus for their own issues. Are you sure she was even trying to disguise her pickmeisha ways?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:27 AM
35

Yes, please snoop. I didn't snoop on my ex's phone because I didn't want to be one of those women. When I finally did, after months of being suspicious and agonized, I found out he'd been cheating on me. Now, I wish I had snooped earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:18 PM
3

That is so funny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:58 AM
4

Thank you for making this post. I'm learning so much from other commenters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:55 AM
8

Vision boards have never worked for me, but scripting worked like magic. Before moving to the city I live in right now, I had scripted what I wanted my next home to look like. I had mentioned the tiniest details, right down to what kind of windows it would have. Now, I live in that house! One detail I had missed out on was having an easy-going landlord and unsurprisingly, my landlord is a little cuckoo. A few tips for scripting: make sure you are in the right mindspace. If you are feeling low, p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 03:08 AM
6

I'd love to be a part of this. With the Reddit bans and all, it would be great to have another space to get together. I would particularly be interested in content creation, if you guys will take me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:49 AM
15

Want to emphasise on the marriage of his parents part. Or how his father treated his wife and other women of the household. This will shape his view of women, commitment and marriage unless he's in therapy to work on it. My shitty ex shared how often he'd seen his dad cheat on his stepmom, with multiple women. His dad would also bring his side-chicks home for family dinners etc. My ex never saw anything wrong with his dad's ways and that should have been my first clue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:32 AM
259

They are both temporary states. A man who's been "built up" will go back to his shitty ways real soon because he's not done any internal work. On the other hand, a "damaged woman" (gee, I hate that term) won't stay that way for very long if she works on her mental health. So no, an NVM or LVM can not damage me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:28 AM
11

That's a compliment coming from an asshat like that! I'd rather be a cnt than a doormat for an LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:24 AM
10

My narc ex told me all the exes he'd had serious relationships with, were crazy or unhinged, for different reasons. And they had all blocked him after their breakup. The cognitive dissonance it takes to make yourself believe that all these smart, successful women were actually crazy, yet they were the ones who decided to block you. How delusional!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:22 AM
18

Broke up with my narcissist ex a month ago after I discovered he'd cheated on me. I tried OLD for a few days but I was just so disheartened by all the meaningless chatter. That helped me realise that I'm not ready to meet guys. Being with a narcissist is like living in a war zone where you are physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Give yourself some time to heal, give your mind a little time to adjust to this new life of peace and calm. Any guy who you let into your life while you aren't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 03:15 AM
7

You have taken the first step, now on to better things! Stay no contact. Every time you get the urge to contact him ( and you will) read out the list of terrible things he did to you. Keep fighting those urges till it becomes second nature and the thought doesn't even cross your mind anymore. That day will come soon, you just have to actively work towards it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 08:03 AM
6

So many of us have been where you are right now. Take it from someone who is still going through the moving on phase, but has progressed a little further than you, it's going to hurt like hell. For quite a few days in the begining, you will think about him every waking second and feel miserable. Don't run away from those feelings because they will carry you to the next stage. After a while, you will start thinking about him a little less but then one trigger and it will all come back. It's an up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 04:12 PM
24

Please walk away. He will never stop testing your boundaries and he will keep pushing it every chance. And then he will love bomb you and make the sweetest promises. Then back to pushing boundaries. So many of us here have been through this and have come out of the relationship with significant mental baggage, so please spare yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:39 AM
1

This guy wanted to add me on LinkedIn because "we can benefit from each other's networks". He didn't even work in the same field as me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:27 AM
8

As a HVW turned pickmeisha (thanks narcissist ex!) who is rediscovering her HV ways, I need this sub more than ever now. I really hope we can escape the chopping block but I'm distraught about the women's spaces that got banned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:14 AM
34

Definitely don't involve him in your decision making process. You don't want to be dependent on someone unreliable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:26 AM
30

He doesn't seem like much of a boyfriend. I mean of course you can go bike shopping alone and you don't need his help, but as your partner, he is supposed to be actively thinking about 'you'. He knew this was something you had been planning to do for a while, so I don't understand how he could do the same activity without making you a part of it. Or at the very least, looking for some options for you while he was at the bike store.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:23 AM
65

My best friend is like this. For the last 2 years I have been trying to convince her to break up with this guy but apparently she's "too attached". I don't think I will cut her out of my life, but I have sure as hell stopped playing her therapist. Everytime she starts complaining, I tell her that the only way out of her situation is through a break up. That shuts her up real quick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 01:16 PM
9

A short man can be an HVM if he doesn't feel insecure about his height. Confidence is a key HVM quality and if you can let your height not color your perception of your prospects, then yes you are an HVM.
/r/askFDS26/06/20 12:15 PM
8

I matched with a sleazy French expat on OLD. He lives and works in my country. On chat, he called me an exotic brown beauty. Imagine that! This ass, living in my country, had the audacity call me 'exotic'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 11:43 AM
4

I'm in a similar situation. At 30, just broke off with someone I had future plans with. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off me and now my future is open to better possibilities. When i was in love with him, I thought I had everything I could ever need. Now that we have broken up, I can see how he was holding me back from being my happiest and most fulfilled self. May be one reason you haven't found anyone you like enough to date is because you aren't in the mental space to date yet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:09 PM
30

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's easy for them to tell us what we should do because they don't have to live with the consequences of it. They don't have to suffer the mental and emotional baggage that comes with dating a selfish guy just so he will marry you some day, being in a toxic marriage, going through a difficult divorce or raising a child alone. On a side note, why was your best friend's mom so invested in your future child?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:24 PM
264

I turn 30 this year and the pressure from my family to get married has been mind boggling. Some days I fall prey to this mindset where I think time's running out for me. I need to stay strong!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:15 PM
10

There usually are signs right from the beginning. There are multiple reasons why one might miss/ignore these early signs though- blinded by love, sunk cost fallacy, consistent mental abuse and gaslighting that makes you question your instincts, low self esteem etc. I feel really sorry for that poor woman and I hope she finds all the strength she needs to recover from this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:32 PM
4

I can't imagine kissing a guy on the first/second date, unless the chemistry between us was off the charts. Sometimes it's taken me months to kiss a guy and those are the kisses I don't regret.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:22 PM
17

Is it bad that this post made me chuckle? OP please don't go dumpster diving in the middle of the night with a man twice your age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:19 PM
35

That's the reason I don't do that last goodbye text post breakup. No contact. Block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:08 PM
24

I derive so much strength from the strong women in my life, my mom, my grandma, older female friends and mentors etc and now from the women on this sub. When I'm readings posts and comments here, I can sometimes physically feel that gush of positive energy and support. I don't personally know any of you but I love all of you! Thank you for being my strength in these times!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:59 AM
3

Having been in your place before and having put up with his shit because he'd always give me the most heartfelt apology with promises of changing, I really hope you won't give him another chance. Just like you I'm immensely sad about the relationship ending, but the overwhelming feeling is that of shame, for having put up with his behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:52 AM
6

This! My NVM ex was a great first date. Actually the first few dates were awesome and then the mask slowly started slipping away. It's easy to demonstrate high value qualities when you know you will only have to do it for a few hours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:48 AM
20

This is so hard to believe if you have been consistently manipulated and gaslighted. You start questioning your own instincts, emotions and reactions. It will take me a while to rebuild the faith I had in myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:09 AM
3

It's just weight! It's supposed to go up and down. Did he expect you to stay the same weight all your life? I can't wrap my head around the fact that he had issues with your weight when he knew you'd just recovered from an illness. What an ass!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 08:06 AM
5

Same here! The pretty part is alright. I also appreciate objectively good looking people, especially on screen. I wouldn't be ok with my partner name-calling them though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 04:45 PM
4

I had gotten so used to spending all my time with this guy that I am having a tough time being alone. Of course the plus side is that I don't have to cater to anyone's needs but my own. I intend to get where you are, at peace with being by myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 03:04 PM
2

I was thinking about this. Am I really a HVW if I fell for a cheater?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:58 PM
23

I found a week ago that my boyfriend of a year had an affair for 3 months. It was my worst nightmare come true to realise that the man I had trusted with all my heart found it in himself to kiss another woman. While browsing on the internet to find solace, I found a list of celebrities who had been cheated on. Everyone on this list was hot, successful and filthy rich. Moreover, these women were the epitome of attractiveness by any definition of the term. Did that stop their spouses from cheating…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:52 PM
1

I wear eye liner every time I'm going out or expecting people over. Lipsticks when I feel like it. I don't wear any base makeup because I just don't feel up to it most days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:40 PM
8

I got a double bed even though I live alone. I like having family and friends over. I want to have a place where they can crash without any discomfort or inconvenience. So may be you should think about the near and dear ones you already have in your life, instead of men who might want to sleep over at some point in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:37 PM
20

I think you need to delink the concepts of attractiveness and self worth . It is not your obligation to fulfill all your boyfriend's ideas of attractiveness. You do owe it to yourself to take care of your mind, body and spirit and be the best possible version of yourself. If that means you need to have a fit body, good skin and hair, makeup and nails on point, a wardrobe that suits you etc., there is no shame in admitting that. But your self worth is not tied to how pretty you look to others or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:19 PM
90

I will never get tired of quoting this: You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 12:21 PM
36

Haha, I wish. I think an easier option for me, mentally and emotionally, is to block him on all social media and cut contact. I want to rid myself of him completely and unconditionally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 04:46 PM
10

I had been dating who I thought was an HVM for the last 11 months. Things were good, except I was always uncomfortable with his 'friendship' with one particular woman. Turns out he had been sexting her behind my back all this while and he had been super careful with deleting the chats because I never found out. Until today when I did. Of course I broke up with him and never intend on going back. Please tell me what to do because I'm just numb and broken right now. I don't want to reach out to my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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