A "feminist" website telling you that the "toxicity discourse" is holding you back from love. Embrace red flags, embrace love!

AutoModerator · 2020-11-06T11:29:42+00:00

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AquaRetro · 2020-11-06T11:45:27+00:00

TLDR: A wordy dissertation peppered with straw man fallacies and disingenuous justifications for her man's shitty behavior.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-11-06T13:37:56+00:00

Maybe there's a guy out there with a DUI who is actually secretly very nice. Maybe there's a diamond ring at the bottom of the dumpster across the block. It's not my job to find out, my life is more important than scrounging through a wastebasket of socially inept men. If I need a bedspread, I'm not curb shopping one from a bin marked "bed bugs".

Platipus6 · 2020-11-06T11:48:02+00:00

Must be nice, never meeting a fuckboy in your life..

Maisiebr · 2020-11-06T12:12:11+00:00

We all know that's not the point. The point is, if it hurts you or it makes you suspicious, and you know it's not because of your own internal struggles, it's a problem (I'm not saying that there aren't instances where there's both an internal struggle and a valid concern regarding the other person present). Red flags are just that - clues that there might be a bomb somewhere urging you to pay attention and be cautious.

swatir24 · 2020-11-06T11:57:08+00:00

A gem- I am lucky enough so far, to be a part of what I would like to think are healthy relationships but the discourse around ‘toxicity’ has ensured I can never be certain if my relationships are actually not toxic. The tight frameworks supposed to help me realise the ‘truth’ underneath my relationships, sometimes just erode my confidence in my own judgement and obscure the truth about who I am. Their simplified language of victimhood, while claiming to be ‘for’ women, often rides roughshod over women’s agency to love and stop loving, their resilience and their consciousness of what is happening to them, their ability to accept mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes, I think I am less scared of being in a toxic relationship for the harms it can cause than of being the agency-less victim talked about in posts regarding toxicity.

riotous486saturn · 2020-11-06T14:25:47+00:00

Wow. That’s a lot of words to say: I just want to settle with a partner who sucks because I also suck!

Palgary · 2020-11-06T14:45:46+00:00

Read the first bit "Beware of someone who never stops talking about their ex..." sounds like a personal experience.

Response "but in my relationship we talked about our past relationships"...

Not the same thing.

Less-Panic · 2020-11-06T15:34:29+00:00

I steer clear of all South Asian dating advice cuz no matter how much they try, the advice is ultimately to bend over backwards for the patriarchy. Lets be fair, India (and SA in general) is so intensely patriarchal that even this piece would be considered progressive.

I couldnt even get past the "I talk about my ex more than my boyfriend". SA men *and* women refuse to put in work for personal development. They're emotionally hedonistic and always give in to their childish desires to talk/cry about something that a fully evolved person wouldn't. They also flip out when you break up with them (tantrum). It's pathetic.

Source: I'm SA, and have dated some SA guys

Novemberinthechair · 2020-11-06T15:06:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Novemberinthechair · 2020-11-06T15:46:06+00:00

Mmmm. Nope.

sassylittlespoon · 2020-11-07T01:37:23+00:00

"Here’s another commonplace and popular piece of advice: if he is not chasing you, then don’t text him. You deserve someone who will bring you flowers, pick up your calls on the first ring and text you, and double and triple text you till you reply. Where is the space in all of this for the mundane, for sometimes just not wanting to talk? "

"If it’s almost been a day since he has texted, should I listen to the internet’s advice that 24 hours is too long a time for someone to not miss you or should I think about the fact, that I have not texted him either?"

I'm actually curious to see what people here think about these quotes. I'm extremely introverted and like my space so I just assume others do too, do people really believe you need to text every day? I don't know how extroverts view this, do they think you're just not interested or if you don't text them every day or they're just not that interested when they do or waiting for you to hit them up? I've had people complain I don't hit them up enough but I honestly forget, and if they wanted to talk so badly they could have sent a message.

entpgirl415 · 2020-11-06T16:24:21+00:00

Honestly as soon as I read the title on the site, I clicked out of it LOL. No need to rot my brain w this shit

Title	A "feminist" website telling you that the "toxicity discourse" is holding you back from love. Embrace red flags, embrace love!
Author	swatir24
Upvotes	109
Comments	23
Date	November 6, 2020 11:29 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jp3ip7/a_feminist_website_telling_you_that_the_toxicity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-feminist-website-telling-you-that-the-toxicity.1193665 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193665

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