Imagine: it’s YOUR life

swatir24 · 2020-06-23T16:15:02+00:00

I turn 30 this year and the pressure from my family to get married has been mind boggling. Some days I fall prey to this mindset where I think time's running out for me.

I need to stay strong!

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-06-23T15:34:00+00:00

The biggest mistake we can make as Queens is the limiting belief that we need to adhere to an arbitrary timeline to find a mate. 1) You don't "need" anyone but yourself. 2) There are HVM in all stages of life so stop focusing on how or when it will happen, just live your best life and it will come into fruition.

outside-perception · 2020-06-23T16:25:49+00:00

I'm 27 and I wish I felt that at 23 instead of the programmed panic. I'm glad I still have time and I encourage everyone to live for themselves and (if they have kids) to live for them too. No more be all end all with a Disney romance.

La_Fant0ma · 2020-06-23T16:35:41+00:00

Yes. And the positive side-effect of living life for yourself is that you will face fewer douche bags (douches are allergic to strongly independent people), you will build your own financial stability, you will do the things you like and make friends with the people you like, and maybe, on your travels, you will fall in love with a wonderful person. And if you don't, that's okay too, because rather spend your life single and enjoying it, than in a relationship and miserable.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-06-23T17:58:13+00:00

Oh, man. I feel this so hard. If only I had known this at 23. By 25 it felt like everyone around me was coupled up and the pressure to “find someone” was choking me. My parents are divorced and my only dream since I was a kid was to have a happy marriage and family.

At 27, I started dating my ex... relocated and got engaged at 28-29, and dumped him, cancelling my wedding, just days before 30. Thinking about my younger self I just want to give her a hug and tell her to forget about guys for now and go to grad school instead. Life is long, and we can dream more than one dream.

DesperateCheesecake · 2020-06-23T17:35:18+00:00

As a 23 year old, I like this very very much.

cece188 · 2020-06-23T19:13:24+00:00

My favorite thing about this sub is how it doesn’t just focus on how to vet men or find a HVM, it also helps us better our own journey, encouraging us to level up in our careers, education, etc. When I was younger I used to think marriage was the ultimate goal, and since I’ve joined this sub, I’ve realized there is so so much more to life than having a husband/kids. It’s truly amazing.

EurasianEmpress · 2020-06-23T19:16:48+00:00

I’m a 23 year-old virgin who has never been in a relationship and I’m SO relieved that I’ve never bothered with any men at all. I still struggle with feeling like I’m in a hurry to start a career and make a living, though. I graduated last year and haven’t worked since and I don’t even know if I should or want to go to grad school or if I could even get in 😢.

_boring_daven_ · 2020-06-23T18:35:45+00:00

If you never spend the money on a wedding, think about all the travels you can have. The average wedding can afford you a very nice trip to wherever you want to go

Aurora_Borealiz · 2020-06-23T17:26:58+00:00

Or assuming your life starts and ends with a man at all. I've been getting so frustrated with a friend of mine. She constantly asks me if I've been entertaining any romantic interests of sorts and when I say no she floods me with "Okay but keep your heart open, you deserve love!" and I'm over here like girl I fucking know that. It's just not a priority for me right now. My life is so full, and I don't mean overwhelming, I mean full and satisfying and I'm content - focusing on balance, a secure and organized home, happy pets, happy plants, doing my daily education grind. I get so much satisfaction from my life just as it is, and there's still so much I'd like to do before I even consider adding a partner of value to my life. Just leave me be like damn.

Fitncurly · 2020-06-23T19:14:42+00:00

As much as I adore my family, I felt this. I had a lot of potential and I put it all on hold. I felt an invisible pressure that wasn’t truly there. I’m trying to carve my independent path now much later than I should have. I had fun, loved youth (still fairly young if I do say so myself), but my education and career went on hold and I didn’t do any traveling other than US (and only a small portion at that). Ladies, this is the truth. Let yourselves live free, explore, discover, grow and adventure just like men have always been able to and as our foremothers only dreamed of. Playing catch-up is a shit game, and you can’t get time back.

junjunjenn · 2020-06-23T18:06:33+00:00

Are there really 23 year old ladies out there wanting to get married this bad? It’s the fucking peak of your life y’all don’t waste it on a dude! For me, at least, it was before I had any REAL responsibilities. That won’t happen again until I’m retired probably. Live it up while you can before a career, house, other life stuff keeps you from being free.

curlygirl507 · 2020-06-23T22:38:07+00:00

Started doing this at age 28, 32 now and never been happier. 🦄

happytoll · 2020-06-23T22:16:34+00:00

I think The Bell Jar shows how society not only trained us to want husbands and as soon as possible but pressures the women who don't automatically want husbands and families or prioritize their careers.

lival42 · 2020-06-23T16:09:15+00:00

So much THIS!

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-06-23T21:31:23+00:00

I did this at 21 then got abused over it and some trauma. Not a traditionalist so even if I had a bf I wouldn’t see the point in marriage, but regressing back time wishing I was in a relationship. Need to revive the 21 year old. She didn’t need them because she was starting to love herself.

You just need to love yourself and generate your own happiness.

Most men don’t even have hobbies the just want a woman to serve them.

JessyJK · 2020-06-23T18:55:57+00:00

You know what? You're right. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now.

PokemonBreederAJ · 2020-06-23T21:13:41+00:00

Wish I would've started this a lot sooner but am on my way! Turning 25 in 2 weeks, graduating in 8 and a half months with a degree that will allow me to live comfortably for my lifestyle and also allow regular travel but a 9-5 when I'm ready to stay in one place. If a man comes along that fits in my life that'd be great but a man won't be the centerpiece.

sophrosyne2189 · 2020-06-24T02:02:06+00:00

For this to happen, I would advocate for girls to stop watching mainstream romantic movies or love stories. In my case, consuming these stories have made me predisposed to be always on the lookout for a romantic encounter for me to fulfill my romantic dreams, at the cost of the more important things.

If I had a daughter now, I'd really monitor the media she consumes.

notochord · 2020-06-23T22:04:11+00:00

I wish this woman gave this talk to all the kids in my church’s youth group 20 years ago.

Bigfatbeech · 2020-06-23T23:10:37+00:00

Wonderful! I'm currently 23 from a bad background, this year I've left my bf, been accepted to college, and I've already saved a down payment for a house when I graduate and I'm well on my way saving for a vacation across the country, last year I took a 2 week dream vacation. 23 is a great year. :)

OrchidLion · 2020-06-24T06:45:13+00:00

I never had the money freedom or opportunity to live my life in an enjoyable way. Now that I am mid/late 20s, and I have that freedom to potentially do fun things, I feel that crippling "programmed panic" as someone so accurately stated. I keep feeling like I am disintegrating into an old hag, and am too preoccupied with getting products treatments and procedures with my money instead of having fun with it.

This post helps though. Also the fact that I hate most males and barely have hope for them as a species, so I dont WANT any of them. That part really helps. I can relax and do what I like. I can enjoy my time and my life. I can make a bucket list and check it off as I do the things I always wanted to.

quietmirth · 2020-06-23T17:47:43+00:00

I wish my parents had told me this.

abbadactyl · 2020-06-23T17:32:24+00:00

Am I chronically single at 32? Yeah. Do I have a passport full of stamps and a career I'm proud of? Damn straight.

VivaLaSea · 2020-06-23T22:31:47+00:00

This is literally me. I’ve been traveling around the world and living my best life for the past 5 years. And, I couldn’t be happier.

inlovewithaloser · 2020-06-24T02:26:19+00:00

I’m 25 and I can’t believe it’s taken me THIS long to realize this. Seriously. Life has sooo many possibilities and toxic men barely ever bring anything to the table but heartaches and headaches. I’m so done. Thanks to this sub and many other resources, I’m so officially done. Excited for MY future that I’ve worked so hard for (and will continue to do so). Starting Uni again soon after taking time off due to financial and other reasons. Life couldn’t be any better. This time, it’s really about me.

godherselfhasenemies · 2020-06-23T22:11:57+00:00

I hate how privileged this is. Having the money to travel and get an education isn't anywhere close to a universally available alternative to marriage. We need to show what that looks like for poor and middle class women too. I'm not even poor but University education and world travel aren't accessible to my part of the middle class.

Easymodelife · 2020-06-24T03:19:49+00:00

This is a great post, and really hit me in the gut. I've been lurking on FDS for a while. I'm a 40-year-old woman, and I have been single since I left my LVM husband back in 2013 for refusing to work (seven years later, he still wants me back...not happening).

Since then, I haven't been sure if I should try dating or not. I've been concentrating on building up my own life. I don't know, on the one hand, I want that connection and a best friend but on the other, I worry that I will end up with another useless leach, and being single beats that any day of the week.

I'm trying to figure out whether I even want another man in my life, because they always seem to want to take more than they give. I love reading all your posts. They reinforce my view that while I would like to find love, you can't force it, and if he's not 100% invested then it's a fool's errand to try.

vaxfarineau · 2020-06-24T06:39:50+00:00

Okay, as a 24 year old, I feel SO OLD and lame. I dropped out of high school officially at 18, unofficially at 15 bc I was barely going. I got my ged, have been working since I was 18. Moved states, live with family, don’t really go out and do stuff. I want a squad though, like people I can go party with and have adventures with like I had back home. Just doing dumb shit. A lot of my old friends are settling down in careers and whatnot, and I’d like that but I would also like my weekends to be fun filled and have spontaneous trips and hangouts after work. Idk how to do this. I want to go back to school but I’m working part time right now and want my own place. I’m a biracial WOC and my dad is kinda racist so I need my space ASAP. Idk how to do school and work and support myself... I’m very nervous. I’m looking into therapy but I’m just so unsure about life right now and I feel so behind everyone.

bey124 · 2020-06-23T16:51:18+00:00

No need to imagine anything here, this is reality.

Huuaaa · 2020-06-23T18:57:11+00:00

29 y/o now and this is how I've been living out my twenties. It hasn't been easy as I've had to drown out the voices in my life telling me that I'm wasting my youth by not leveraging it to find a husband.

Boys are never told that they they should stop exploring and investing in themselves so that they can focus on finding a "life partner." Why should we?

sharee_ · 2020-06-24T10:26:16+00:00

You can always do this WITH a husband too if you have a HVM. Traveling the world, getting your education , etc. doesn’t just halt because you have a boyfriend / husband. You can literally do all of this with a man too as long as you don’t depend on him to be able to do it.

Edit: I do see where this post is coming from though. My sister is a pick me and literally would decline trips and not plan trips to her dream destination because she wanted to save it to do with her “future husband”. Now she’s married to a LVM she just met and he doesn’t even want to travel with her. Plus she dropped of most of her friends that she could’ve actually went with and I don’t see her talking about these trips anymore . So hey I guess this advice isn’t that bad for a lot of people.

keusarami · 2020-06-23T21:09:52+00:00

It's actually a common mindset over here. I guess getting married is a suburb/countryside lifestyle

nowayfrose · 2020-06-24T00:21:52+00:00

Taking myself off the hamster wheel of marriage has been SO FREEING. If it happens it happens, but my main priority is building a home of ME and my career and friends and dreams.

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-24T03:47:46+00:00

Exactly, and also we have almost no control in regards to when we will get married, especially if we want a HVM. All we can do is be HVW and keep vetting those LVM. Aside from that it’s pretty much out of our control, so no need to worry about it.

aqua_not_capri · 2020-06-23T17:40:45+00:00

I’m actually thinking about joining the Navy right now.

bluemoonicecream22 · 2020-06-24T07:28:58+00:00

I just turned 25, a few months ago the man I saw a future with broke up with me and I feel like I want love and a partner so bad and like I’m running out of time. I really need to try to get into the mindset of having a good life even without love. It would go against the what I believe I want but maybe if I could trick myself I would be happier

libralia · 2020-06-23T17:31:42+00:00

Big Oof for me! Trying to get it straight now.

heisenburger9 · 2020-06-23T21:01:02+00:00

I'm super late but you have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now.

cold_bananas_ · 2020-06-24T00:27:13+00:00

I wish I was told this when I was 23! Or even younger honestly.

atgmailcom · 2020-06-24T03:21:38+00:00

Travel the world kinda came out a no where there

WillisAurelius · 2020-06-24T05:08:27+00:00

Sounds great for some. For some marriage in 20s is also great!

keffalump25 · 2020-06-24T05:27:48+00:00

Amen 🙏🏿

tiredofyourcrap0 · 2020-06-24T12:15:08+00:00

PeriodT. This is how it should be done 💯

yasz312 · 2020-07-03T15:18:11+00:00

80 0%

PinkPilledDemon · 2020-06-24T00:16:10+00:00

[deleted]

CoolOsha · 2022-08-07T02:11:58+00:00

This post confuses me. My mother got married at 18, worked a government job for 20 years and had me. Plus, my dad. These things aren’t mutually exclusive. A woman can get married young and still have a life ahead of her.

Title	Imagine: it’s YOUR life
Author	mycatpukesglitter
Upvotes	5722
Comments	114
Date	June 23, 2020 3:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hegmkb/imagine_its_your_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/imagine-its-your-life.700068 https://theredarchive.com/post/700068

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