A convenient dichotomy. | FemaleDatingStrategy

My ex applied a convenient dichotomy in our relationship.

Whenever he did something good/nice, he would puff out his chest and, like a true pickme from hell, proclaim that he wAsN't LiKe AlL tHe OtHeR gUyS- he was better. To really bolster his ego, this man would talk so much trash to me about his own supposed "best friend" and literally ANY other male he knew (save for his father) to the point where I had to ask him to please stop because I was uncomfortable hearing volumes of negativity about someone I hadn't even met.

My ex proclaimed was different, unique, superior, and wasn't I grateful to have the opportunity to be with him? No amount of gratitude, praise, or acknowledgement from me was ever enough.

Soon he began messing up and his façade of perfection and gallantry started to slip. When I started calling him out he did a complete reversal. He'd look at me, his gaze dismissive and filled with passivity, and shrug "That's how US guys are/I'm a guy, WE don't think about that stuff/WE're men/etc."

And just like that he was happy to identify and associate with "all the other guys" who, up until that point, he said were BENEATH him. Whenever he wanted to be let off the hook for doing something wrong, suddenly those "inferior" men became his brothers.

[–]mamadgafFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

Classic narcissist. My ex-husband still makes boasts like this. He always told me how he’s the ROCK STAR at work, how his boss is always exclaiming how great he is, etc. etc. After we split and I started seeing him for who he really is, my friend started dating a coworker of his. The coworker confirmed that my ex is annoying and a doesn’t know when to stop talking. He said it was weird that he announced he was getting a divorce and was really sad about it, and within a month said he had met someone and was really happy (the home wrecker he cheated on me with and who is now his pregnant wife).

I had to spend some time with my ex-husband recently while we visited a college with our oldest, and just making conversation I asked him how work was going. Same story - he’s the “go-to guy!” etc. etc. But this time instead of being impressed, I internally rolled my eyes because I know it’s all stories he tells himself because he’s a mid-level manager who’s been with the same company for 15 years and can’t get promoted because he does just enough to stay employed but not good enough to get ahead.

Men who are impressive done need to boast about it.

[–]p0ludnitsaThrowaway Account[S] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]mamadgafFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

My ex doesn’t have friends. We met in college and he always talked about his “best friend,” who he was roommates with at a previous college. He ended up being a groomsman at our wedding. Now at the time I was really busy with, you know, getting married, but after we split and I started taking a good, hard look at the past, I realized the BF didn’t seem to know him that well. I confirmed this with my cousin, who had been paired with him at the wedding. She said the BF was surprised he’s even been asked because they had lost touch (this was in the late 1990’s before everyone had cell phones and before social media).

With hindsight it’s become obvious how much of him was a complete lie. He literally has no friends, just his family. And while he has a big family, he’s not really close with anyone but his parents and maybe his brother.

Also, after we split I found out none of my family could stand him, except my parents, who modeled abusive/codependent behavior and validated my ex-husband’s bad behavior for decades. My aunt and female cousins called him creepy. My sister thought he was an obnoxious know-it-all. I lost touch with everyone but my parents and sister because of him (classic abuser move to isolate) and after we split it I got back in touch with people. I thought it was me, but it was him.

[–]p0ludnitsaThrowaway Account[S] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	A convenient dichotomy.
Author	p0ludnitsa
Upvotes	104
Comments	5
Date	July 11, 2021 10:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oidu0p/a_convenient_dichotomy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-convenient-dichotomy.791109 https://theredarchive.com/post/791109

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