As someone who’s fallen victim to the trap of “selective commitment”, I’d like to share what that can look like.

Commitment is relative - it’s an all or nothing concept that has to be weighed and measured against what matters to the man you’re expecting commitment from.

Being introduced to his parents means nothing if he values his friends more. Being introduced to his friends means nothing if he values his parents more.

Being sent a raunchy snap that says “just for you xx” should mean nothing if it doesn’t have your name on it - he’s probably picked “send to all”. Sharing insta stories of you together should mean nothing if they don’t have your face in them - why doesn’t he want to identify you on his page? Calling you his girlfriend to the Airbnb host means nothing if no one else in his life knows you exist - this is a no-risk situation that’s designed to make you feel validated while allowing him to make no tangible commitment.

He doesn’t invite you to his functions because he doesn’t want you there. Because he’s keeping his options open. Because he hates to be held to a standard or accountable. Not because he “cares about your feelings”. If he cared about you, he'd want to be around you - he'd measure up at every opportunity.

He should be nothing to you until he’s everything. If he can't commit to you everywhere, he can't commit to you anywhere.

He wants to have his cake and eat it too - but let’s make 2020 the year we choose to be more than his confection.