I'm a 21F virgin, never been in a relationship, the most action I've had was making out with this girl when I was 7.

I was brought up in a Christian household where even masturbating was sin. However, I've had a rocket-high sex drive since the day I was born. I've been bring myself to orgasm since before my earliest memory. I had a really nasty porn addiction since age 8 that I finally cut off at the beginning of this decade. I would climax watching porn while fully clothed with my legs crossed and wake up in the middle of the night just to do so. I've since replaced that with a vibrator. I still wake up in the middle of the night to get one in. I spend quite a bit of mental energy on fantasizing throughout the day. Thus, I could say despite my lack of experience, I'm pretty experienced, at least with my own body and desires.

Even after becoming an atheist and doing away with all my religious sexual hang-ups, I'm still don't want to jump into bed with anyone. Sometimes my libido is so high it brings tears because thus far I haven't even come close to finding someone who seems like a long-term prospect. I haven't even land a date in my entire life. Before I could blame my insecurity and self-loathing, but I've long overcome that. I'm not necessarily waiting till marriage, but I want to have mutual dedication between me and my future partner. I'm extremely sexual, but extremely connection focused as well.

However, my virginity and unwillingness to put out right off the bat makes men lose interest. I'm physically, sexually attractive, and on the rare occasions when I do share my little secret, I'm not believed and they still want to take me for a round on the carousel. I worry I'll either have to be a sexless nymph for the rest of my life, or I'll have to "get it over with". I'm 21 now, but I fear the older I get, the less likely it is I'll meet someone who is willing to work with my inexperience, even if he's looking to settle down.