FDS as a loner

Salty-Tomorrow · 2020-04-24T17:46:31+00:00

[deleted]

2020-04-25T01:13:55+00:00

Hey! This is a really good question as I'm quite a loner too. I do have some friends I hang out with and I spend time with my family but ultimately, I love being on my own and even though I do want a relationship, one of the huge points for me is them needing to accept I like being alone a lot.

I have a lot of hobbies I do alone (but happy to be in company while I do them!) and one of my favourite pastimes is walking to a coffee shop to sit alone with a coffee and book

I have absolutely zero doubt you could meet someone hv even if you are as you describe a loner. Personally I believe loners can show a lot of great qualities like independence etc

Now for being an abuser magnet... I'd say the short answer is yes. You will likely be a magnet to potential abusers

However! Even though you may be more likely to attract them, doesn't at all mean you'll end up with a nvm or an abuser!

There's so much you can do to avoid them and even end up repelling them, it'll take time but it's honestly worth it!

So here's some tips, this won't promise anything but it's a good starting point

Learn who you are. Learn what your values are, the kind of person you are, what flaws you have, what you can do to work on them, learning to love and accept yourself as you are and striving to do better. Be able to look in the mirror and say "I am x, y, z. I'm more than good enough and will always be doing better." also, you have to define what is better for yourself! Don't rely on anyone else!

Why am I asking you to do this?

The big thing about abusers is they rarely ever plan to abuse someone they meet. Sure, in groups with like minded people they'll admit abusive tactics they do but never admit themselves it's in the name of abuse. Abusers have stuff put of whack, see for us, we have an idea of the kind of man we want, so we find that kind of man.... Abusers though have a dream person in mind.. Often unobtainable but will fit that "dream person" to any person.... Likely people they can mold into that dream person.

People that aren't sure about themselves, are insecure, lack experience... All are susceptible to being molded by an abuser rather than being accepted by someone who sees them for who they are and embraces it.

You need to be in a position where you're so sure of yourself you can tell them "no, that's not me"

A common example is guys saying "you're not like other girls". Someone who isn't sure of themselves or has low self esteem will feel special from a comment like that. When you're sure of yourself and embrace you are in fact a woman, you can clap back "no, I'm just like other girls"

Next, read up on abusers work. Read why does he do that? The book is a game changer. After reading it, you will see how abuse is in a completely different light. Understanding what they're doing and WHY they do it is vital

And finally, take things REALLY slowly. These types of men will put you on a pedestal and want to lock you down ASAP, no. Don't have any of that. Wait to have sex, reject their attempts at advances, wait to give yourself any kind of label.

They can't keep the nice act for long and they will get bored and move on

Also, another idea, start saying no to them as soon as possible. Abusers hate their ego being crushed

Say no to that coffee date and say you only do dinner/whatever dates

Speak up when a certain time isn't good for you and ask for it to be rearranged

When they suggest a place you don't feel excited about, say you'd rather head somewhere else

Don't laugh at one of their jokes,particularly one that may even be offensive. Sometimes jokes just miss and normal people just shrug and move on. Lots of people with abusive tendencies base a lot of their worth on their "sense of humour". They HAVE to be the funny one. See, humour can be validated pretty easily, someone laughs or reacts. Them:hey I did a funny!. They get their validation and their egos stroked by their jokes. Lots of LVM/nvm will demand a girl with "an actual sense of humour" meaning "I expect you to laugh at my jokes". Find out early on how he feels when his joke misses for once

I hope this helped, best of luck to you, sis!

comet2004 · 2020-04-26T00:37:59+00:00

I just wanted to say that this post is more relatable than you think. I recently dumped a friend group because it was full of pickmeishas and I felt like they were pushing abusive men on me and normalizing bad behavior vs me being alone and knowing my worth.

Title	FDS as a loner
Author	AllTheBeanToes
Upvotes	17
Comments	4
Date	April 23, 2020 12:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g6lt3j/fds_as_a_loner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-as-a-loner.677714 https://theredarchive.com/post/677714

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